We make plenty of resolutions each New Year’s, most of which we don’t keep. This New Year’s, why don’t we make resolutions that are a) feasible (as in, not “lose fifty pounds and make a million dollars”) and b) that will help improve our happiness factor and make us more available and desirable as a mate.
Follow this list, and you may be kissing your fiancée come next holiday season.
- Keep a journal: Try to write in it as much as possible, about anything and everything. At the end of each month, read through it and notice detrimental actions or thoughts that keep repeating themselves- think about what you can do to reverse these patterns.
- Get personal: Make an effort to use the phone instead of texting, to handwrite a letter vs. shooting off an email. Your relationships will thank you.
- Don’t use a date (or a mate) to make u feel better about yourself: You should like someone for them and not because they validate a part of you that needs affirmation. A relationship based on validation is only bound for disaster.
- Schedule a weekly “you” class: “You” classes can run the gamut from painting to flying lessons. What they all have in common, however, is that they provide you with a creative outlet, a space to reflect, a chance to improve upon a skill, and increase your general satisfaction with life.
- Toss your “type”: If you are still single (and don’t want to be), or tend to get hurt more often than not, something about your “type” isn’t working! So think about it: what matters to you more, a mate who is buff, blonde, and makes 100 grand a year or one who is kind, thoughtful, and funny? To recreate the person you should be looking for, break down the things that are most important to you through a MASH like method of categories, traits, and ratings. For a more detailed explanation of this method, go to http://www.meezoog.com/blog/?p=170, “The Magic Formula For Finding Your SoulMate.”
- Give people a chance: Don’t write off prospects for trivial flaws or slight misdemeanors- you may end up missing out on a really great catch.
- Trust your instincts: If something feels off about someone, you are probably right. If you know in your heart a relationship is not going to work out, don’t keep trying to make it work. Also, no one can make you like someone- at the end of the day you are the one talking to a person, going to bed with them, existing in their company. So although your mother and best friend may happily offer their two cents on your most recent date, the decision of whether or not to be with someone belongs only to yourself.
- Read two good books a month: Preferably a Pulitzer Prize Winner or National Book Award novel and one an interest based or self-improvement type book- these will give you insight into important societal issues and themes and insight into yourself. In addition, they will give you topics and ideas to talk about on your dates, or to bring up in that pivotal first conversation with a prospect.
- If you think that you have spotted the man or woman of your dreams, don’t make excuses; go talk to them: Either you will quickly find out that the fantasy person you have created is only that; a fantasy, or may not even speak English! (that has happened to me) or perhaps your dream mate radar is on target and they really are your future spouse. Either way, it is better to know rather than to fantasize and salivate over a stranger.
- Forget about looking stupid/celebrate your quirks: Your embarrassing addiction to race cars or tendency to blush when someone says something complimentary may just be the icing on someone’s cakes. Your quirks are what make you interesting and endearing- don’t waste any time or energy hiding them.
- Get out there!: You are not going to meet someone holed up on your couch watching “House,” and eating sashimi. Schedule one singles or networking event a month to get yourself out there, and in general, try to take your friends up on offers to socialize whenever you can. And yes, that means even when you are tired.
- Invest in your appearance: Flattering clothes, a good haircut, and some makeup can turn an ugly duck into a swan (RIP Brittany Murphy)- you don’t settle in other areas in your life, so why would you settle when it comes to your appearance? (Coming soon: “The Dating Diva’s Top Tips for How to Look Great on a Budget”)
- Join a Dating Network: The new and refined version of dating websites, dating networks (like Meezoog, for example), use sophisticated technology and real profiles in order to enable you to meet prospects with similar backgrounds and friends. Screen your mate before you meet them, feel them out online or on the phone, get the goods on them from a friend in common, and check them out on facebook before you go out on that date.
- Find a good therapist: Everybody, and I mean everybody, has things to work on and talk about candidly with someone unbiased and trained to help people improve upon themselves and their relationships. Go to your health insurance site and find a therapist now (Psychologists are preferable to social workers or psychiatrists- better training for therapy).
- Make dating a priority: Forget about that stupid cliché, “You are going to meet someone when you least expect it.” The only value that this saying has is reminding you not to look like a schlep when you leave the house. If having a relationship or dating more often is important to you in your life, then you have to prioritize it, like anything else; this includes strategizing your free time towards meeting single people with similar interests to you. The good news is that just by having gotten through this list, congratulations, you are already on your way!