Archive for August, 2009

Friends and the City

Monday, August 31st, 2009

I can’t remember the exact Carrie Bradshaw quote, but it was something along the lines of “Maybe our friends are all we need. Maybe that’s love.” (If you know the exact quote, pls post it!).

I think that there is a lot of validity to what Carrie said. We spend so much time worrying about and investing our time and energy into men, when the relationships that last are our friendships.

Yesterday I had a disaster, a complete and total train wreck earth quake nightmare disaster. Sobbing hysterically in a cab on the way home from the scene of the quake, I texted my closest friends: “I’m so upset, can you please come over?” Within the hour, four lovely girls were sitting on my bed with me in my Lower East Side apartment, listening, counseling, and offering life lessons to take from the experience that I had just had.

One of them even arrived with two dozen red roses. That instantly made her better than any boyfriend I’ve ever had.

Sitting there on my bed, cuddled up with my kittie and my closest friends (with one who couldn’t be there calling to check in), I felt so grateful. Grateful to have such wonderful friends, grateful that they had come to my aid, grateful that I wasn’t sitting there alone with loneliness compounding the misery of the situation.

One of my friends, Nicole, showed me this youtube video to try and cheer me up : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tjYoKCBYag
A photographer, she warned me that the value wasn’t in the cinematography but in the overall message. I laughed. The last quote of the video is “life=risk.” What I was feeling couldn’t have been summed up more perfectly.

Afterward, Jill and I arranged plans for the next night, Johanna got on the phone with her lawyer dad to see about pressing charges against my offender, and Nicole informed me that she was going to treat me to a fabulous New York dinner (she was visiting from Boston) to make me feel better.

Two hours and three spicy margaritas later, I was actually happy- which five hours ago had seemed nearly impossible.

And it was all because of my friends.

So when you are thinking about how to invest your time and energy, don’t forget about these shining gems, because you never know when you will need them to bring back your faith in yourself and in life.

(This blog is dedicated to Nicole, Jill, Madeline, Johanna, Anna, and of course, the kitty Bianca)

Posted in friendship | 3 Comments »

Bringing sex from taboo to the table: Part 2

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

Unbelievable. So, to my surprise, I booked the sex toy infomercial. Don’t get any ideas- as I calmly informed my mother, it was not porn-in any respect. I actually admire the efforts of a company like that because it normalizes sex- if “normal people” (as we were supposed to represent normal people) can talk about it on television, then why can’t you?

My job was to reflect on a chair/vibrator sex toy.

As I sat in the fake living room that had been created for us in the corner of a loft studio space in Brooklyn, my “husband” and I spoke about our sex life with the interviewer. Although I have never been married, for those ten minutes, I was- we were married. And as the interviewer interrogated us, I started to discover elements of marriage that I had always thought about but never vocalized. I started to explore the idea of a healthy sex life leading to a healthy marriage.

“Lots of couples go to therapy, and they will talk exhaustively through their problems, but whether it helps to bring back sexual intimacy that a lot of couples have lost deep into their marriage, is a different story. The act of risk-taking together, as a unit, and trusting one another to embark on these risks when one is at his or her most vulnerable; that will- that has to bring back sexual intimacy,” I said to the interviewer. Absolute trust is one of the hardest things to attain, and one of the strongest bonds to hold two people together- because once you trust the other person, you are also willing to depend on them. And as my fake husband leaned down and kissed me on my head in agreement, in statement of our sexual intimacy and absolute trust, I smiled.

And when I actually do get married, and have a real living room with furniture I picked out myself, and a real husband who actually gave me a very very large diamond ring, I can’t say that I won’t start thinking about sex toys when things get dull…

Posted in food for thought, relationships, sex | No Comments »

Bringing sex from taboo to the table

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

I just came back from an audition for an infomercial. The infomercial was for a line of sex toys that are sold in Spain, which they want to bring to America. As soon as the spanish guy started showing us the company’s products, I blanched. “I mean, we all have sex,” he said, looking around at me and the two other actors in the room. “Right?” We all dumbly shook our heads up and down. He was right. Then why did I feel so wrong looking at these miniature photos of sex toys?

I briefly contemplated getting up and running out of the room- I mean what if I ran for president one day- speaking about sex toys on public television wouldn’t be kindly looked upon on by the conservative religious community. But then the liberal side of me came out. Maybe the introduction of an infomercial channel that talks about sex toys in a purely informative way would help to release america’s sexual tension. And help people to realize that sexual intimacy is a big part of any relationship.

There is a line that Stella’s mother says in A streetcar named desire, which basically says that a healthy sex life is the key to a good relationship. Indeed, there is something to be said for how a healthy sex life comes into play outside of the bedroom.
Also, this brings up something else rarely touched upon:sexual compatibility. Having similar sexual appetites is a huge factor in how well a couple will get along.

So you know what, if I get this infomercial, I’m going to take it. And if I can talk openly about sex on television, then hopefully others will feel comfortable talking about it without a camera in their face.

www.meezoog.com

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The Cheater who prevails: Why?

Monday, August 24th, 2009

I was reading US magazine on the elliptical today at the gym, and again, saw a story about Jillian Harris (the bachelorette) and her bachelor of choice, Ed Swiderski. The week before I had been reading another article about the twosome: an expose detailing Ed’s infidelity with two other women while he was dating Harris.

The detailed texts and emails that the two cheated upon women provided to US magazine were blatant evidence that this man was definitely having sexual engagements with, and even professing love, to women besides the one that he had proposed to on TV. On top of it all, some of the emails he sent to the other women were vulgar, crass, and sexual.

This wasn’t the first time that I heard that a number of the bachelors on the show had come on the show with girlfriends at home- and as actress I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that breakdowns for reality shows don’t come through our casting networks all the time. Why do you think everyone is so gosh darn beautiful?

SO it’s not hard to believe that Mr. Swiderski came on the show for very ulterior motives than “finding his true love.” Instant fame is not exactly a bad deal, with or without a new wife attached.

Anyway, the article this week said that Ms. Harris had decided to stay with Mr. Swiderski despite the the blatant evidence that this man is a total deuchebag.

She also disparaged the “other” women, saying that they were lying and that their feeble attempts to get Ed back (bc that is so obviously what they were doing) made them look foolish.

This is not the first time that I have witnessed a man who cheats on his significant other, but yet when the woman finds out, she blames the “other woman” instead of confronting the man or breaking up with him (I mean, helllooo).

What is the deal with this? Are women so attached to their men and “blinded by love” as the phrase says that they can’t recognize the seriousness of infidelity and where the blame actually lies?

Many times , the girl who fools around with the unavailable man may not even know that he is unavailable. Also, it is the man’s decision as much as the girl’s to engage in sexual activity together, if not moreso, as men typically seduce the women.

So what is the deal with this?

Posted in advice for women, food for thought, media | 1 Comment »

Girl to Guy Starters: Welcome to the twenty-first century

Monday, August 10th, 2009

Some girls say they would rather have the guy approach them. “Let him do the work,“ they say.

This is a good idea sometimes. If you notice a guy notice you, you should definitely wait to see if he does something about it. He may indeed approach you, depending on his confidence level and how much he has drank that night. The most important thing I can say to a girl in this situation is just to pay attention: you don’t need a friend to tell you if he’s looking, you will be able to tell through your natural people perception skills. If you make it clear that you notice him too, through a smile, a look, or even a wave indicating him to come over and join your circle (I watched my friend Alexa do this last night, and the guy was on cloud nine), by all rules of the dating game, he should approach.

However, if you do see a cute guy who hasn’t noticed you: perhaps he is surrounded by friends, or engaged in one of those really stupid deer hunting games at the bar, there is no reason you shouldn’t be able to approach him. Keep the mindset that you are approaching him in a friendly, non-confrontational manner- then if he doesn’t seem to be interested in you romantically, you guys can still chat and you don’t have to walk away feeling totally rejected.

Why is it necessary to be able to do this?, a girl may ask. Shouldn’t the man just approach the woman? This depends on you as a person. If you are simply completely uncomfortable and could never dream of approaching a guy, don’t do it. But if you have also whined at least once in the past week about being lonely and needing a guy, then there is no reason why you shouldn’t be proactive about it. Think about it this way: if you go out knowing that you have the power to approach a guy just as much as he has the power to approach you, you double your chances of meeting someone that night. In addition, you dramatically raise the chance of meeting someone you are actually interested in: after all, you chose him. A lot of the guys who have no problem hitting on you can also tend to be players, whereas the guys who need a little prompting and who aren’t all over ten different girls at the bar within the first five minutes might actually be (hold your breath ladies…nice).

I have dated two guys seriously who I said hello to at bars, and they were both wonderful, sweet guys, who also happened to be Ivy grad alums. You will be amazed how well you can pick out guys who end up being your type all-around.

Also, you can avoid that awful thing called the waiting game. Waiting sucks. Really really sucks. And isn’t kindly rewarded in big cities where everything and everyone are constantly on the move. Particularly in New York, good things are gotten by those who go get them!

Wait, you say. “Don’t good things come to those who wait?” Well, not really. As good old Abe Lincoln said, specifying why the former proverb doesn‘t really hold true, “Good things may come to those who wait…but only the things left by those who hustle.” Oh, Abe. Spot on as usual.

So you heard him, girl. Go get him.

Tactics:

Bar- Eavesdrop, then get involved in a non-intrusive way. Ie, if him and his friend are talking about the Yankee game this past weekend, and you happen to be a Yankees fan, work your way into the conversation, like “Oh my god, wasn’t that an amazing game?” (please actually know what game you are talking about here) or if you hear them talking about where they work, what college they went to, where they live, chances are if you don’t work there/went there/live there, a friend of yours does/did. And this friend can become a good friend for the purpose of this starter. “Oh, you guys live on the lower east? My best friend Bobby lives on Ludlow. I love it down there. Where do you live?” Look for common ground. To reiterate, it doesn’t matter what you say: if the guy is interested he will take your starter, be it as it be, as an invitation to keep talking to you.

Online- Short and sweet. If he has a picture of him in some foreign country, ask where he was in that picture. If he’s wearing cool sunglasses, “nice shades,” will do. Do not tell him your life story. Leave him wanting more. Oh, and if you have the capacity to message a guy, do not send him a wink, or a flirt, or a hickie (although that would be pretty great, wouldn’t it). Take the time to think of something clever, and write him a creative, thought out message.

Just be confident, smile, and have fun. This is dating, not a quest for world peace.

Want to figure out starters for more situations/ still feeling nervous about making the first move? Email me/make a comment, and we will work it out together.

Your loyal columnist and content manager,
Samantha
samantha@meezoog.com

(Be proactive now at meezoog.com!)

Posted in Starters, advice for women | No Comments »