Some girls say they would rather have the guy approach them. “Let him do the work,“ they say.
This is a good idea sometimes. If you notice a guy notice you, you should definitely wait to see if he does something about it. He may indeed approach you, depending on his confidence level and how much he has drank that night. The most important thing I can say to a girl in this situation is just to pay attention: you don’t need a friend to tell you if he’s looking, you will be able to tell through your natural people perception skills. If you make it clear that you notice him too, through a smile, a look, or even a wave indicating him to come over and join your circle (I watched my friend Alexa do this last night, and the guy was on cloud nine), by all rules of the dating game, he should approach.
However, if you do see a cute guy who hasn’t noticed you: perhaps he is surrounded by friends, or engaged in one of those really stupid deer hunting games at the bar, there is no reason you shouldn’t be able to approach him. Keep the mindset that you are approaching him in a friendly, non-confrontational manner- then if he doesn’t seem to be interested in you romantically, you guys can still chat and you don’t have to walk away feeling totally rejected.
Why is it necessary to be able to do this?, a girl may ask. Shouldn’t the man just approach the woman? This depends on you as a person. If you are simply completely uncomfortable and could never dream of approaching a guy, don’t do it. But if you have also whined at least once in the past week about being lonely and needing a guy, then there is no reason why you shouldn’t be proactive about it. Think about it this way: if you go out knowing that you have the power to approach a guy just as much as he has the power to approach you, you double your chances of meeting someone that night. In addition, you dramatically raise the chance of meeting someone you are actually interested in: after all, you chose him. A lot of the guys who have no problem hitting on you can also tend to be players, whereas the guys who need a little prompting and who aren’t all over ten different girls at the bar within the first five minutes might actually be (hold your breath ladies…nice).
I have dated two guys seriously who I said hello to at bars, and they were both wonderful, sweet guys, who also happened to be Ivy grad alums. You will be amazed how well you can pick out guys who end up being your type all-around.
Also, you can avoid that awful thing called the waiting game. Waiting sucks. Really really sucks. And isn’t kindly rewarded in big cities where everything and everyone are constantly on the move. Particularly in New York, good things are gotten by those who go get them!
Wait, you say. “Don’t good things come to those who wait?” Well, not really. As good old Abe Lincoln said, specifying why the former proverb doesn‘t really hold true, “Good things may come to those who wait…but only the things left by those who hustle.” Oh, Abe. Spot on as usual.
So you heard him, girl. Go get him.
Bar- Eavesdrop, then get involved in a non-intrusive way. Ie, if him and his friend are talking about the Yankee game this past weekend, and you happen to be a Yankees fan, work your way into the conversation, like “Oh my god, wasn’t that an amazing game?” (please actually know what game you are talking about here) or if you hear them talking about where they work, what college they went to, where they live, chances are if you don’t work there/went there/live there, a friend of yours does/did. And this friend can become a good friend for the purpose of this starter. “Oh, you guys live on the lower east? My best friend Bobby lives on Ludlow. I love it down there. Where do you live?” Look for common ground. To reiterate, it doesn’t matter what you say: if the guy is interested he will take your starter, be it as it be, as an invitation to keep talking to you.
Online- Short and sweet. If he has a picture of him in some foreign country, ask where he was in that picture. If he’s wearing cool sunglasses, “nice shades,” will do. Do not tell him your life story. Leave him wanting more. Oh, and if you have the capacity to message a guy, do not send him a wink, or a flirt, or a hickie (although that would be pretty great, wouldn’t it). Take the time to think of something clever, and write him a creative, thought out message.
Just be confident, smile, and have fun. This is dating, not a quest for world peace.
Want to figure out starters for more situations/ still feeling nervous about making the first move? Email me/make a comment, and we will work it out together.
Your loyal columnist and content manager,
(Be proactive now at meezoog.com!)