Dating Coaching: Demystifying the Process

I’m about to start working with a private client, a man in his twenties. To many, the idea of being coached at “dating” is straight out of Hitched- socially awkward guys needing help from suave Will Smith in order to pick up girls.

However, just as Mr. Smith finds out in the film when he actually falls for someone, dating coaching is no longer about just picking up hot girls- and is no longer reserved for the socially awkward. Several of my male friends- who were also acclaimed characters in the book The Game- all left the pick-up community, finding that although it was fun, it was ultimately unfulfilling- that they wanted love and a sustainable relationship, not just a one-night stand. So even those men, the suavest pick-up artists in the world, needed some coaching to find what they really wanted- a sustainable relationship with someone amazing.

Because sustainable relationships create sustainable happiness.  And everyone wants to be happy, not just for a night or two, but for life.

So what is dating coaching about now? For my clients, it’s about self-exploration and consequent discovery- it’s about finding out how their behavior, past experiences, and emotional issues are keeping them from finding a sustainable relationship and happiness.

Once they are clued in to self-discovery, we embark on a quest to change those behaviors, patterns of thinking, and we come to terms with the past in order to feel comfortable- and confident- going forward into the world of women.

Then comes image- how are they presenting themselves? We work on dress, haircut, posture, eye contact, demeanor- all of the things that illustrate to a woman confidence and comfort with oneself.

After all, in an evolutionary sense, women are looking for providers and protectors- so although they seek sensitivity and emotional awareness as well- they ultimately want to know that a man could- and would- keep her safe and secure in a world of chaos and fluctuation. That’s why “nice guys” often lose out- because although they might be able to be in tune with a woman’s wants and needs, her most primary need is security, and they are unable to show that they can provide that right off of the bat.

Then we go through exercises to determine what kind of woman would really make the man happy. This involves going through priorities- what matters the most to a man in his “ideal” woman- talking about if those terms are realistic, and prioritizing the things that matter to him the most in a mate.

Often, men will have a list of “must haves” that is simply impossible to fulfill- no one, and I mean no one, will have every single qualification you have dreamed up in your hand as your shining bride. That’s why we have to pick those qualities, and qualifications, that really matter the most to him.

Then we embark into the “dating scene.“ I introduce my clients to the mechanisms that exist nowadays  to help romance ignite, explaining the pros and cons of each- from online dating to speed dating, to other sorts of activities that would put the client in contact with women who match the profile he has created for her.

These can include anything from twenties and thirties geared non-profit groups, to activity clubs, to classes, to events, etc. Then we evaluate which of those might contain the woman he is looking for, and we choose the one he is most comfortable embarking on to begin.  As he goes through that experience, I talk him through the process of whatever it is that he has chosen- how to integrate what he has learned into that real environment.

Sometimes this means going on-site with the client and literally coaching him through an event, fixing nervous or egregious behavior that has arisen and helping him to comprehend the scattered clues that most woman throw out upon first meeting them, waiting for the guy who can best pick them up and assemble them in the way that she expects.

And of course, just for fun and a little extra boost, I sometimes break out the stellar wing woman in me- using elementary tools of jealousy to make the client appear more attractive and desirable to other women, and also my knowledge of female psychology, in order to help my client open the conversation with the woman he finds appealing.

It’s not an easy or clean process- the men who really want to find an incredible woman must engage in this kind of self-discovery and image building in order to find her- and more importantly to keep her and satisfy her.

But again, finding this kind of relationship is what will make him happy for the long-term, and just as Will Smith deviated from being a clueless and emotionally insensitive- yet charming- fresh prince picking up babes on ABC, even he has morphed into this crucial process of struggle, self-discovery, and accomplishment, or rather, the pursuit of happiness.

I’m about to start working with a private client, a successful and adorable man in his twenties. To many, the idea of being coached at “dating” is straight out of Hitched- socially awkward guys needing help from a suave pick-up artist in order to get hot girls.

However, just as Mr. Smith finds out in the film when he actually falls for someone- and his pick-up tools fail to impress her-, dating coaching is no longer about picking up hot girls- and is no longer reserved for the socially awkward. Several of my male friends- who were also acclaimed characters in the book The Game- all left the pick-up community, finding out that although it was fun, it was ultimately unfulfilling- that they wanted love and a sustainable relationship, not just a one-night stand. So even those masters in pick-up needed a new form of coaching, and this time, from a woman!

Because sustainable relationships create sustainable happiness.  And everyone wants to be happy, not just for a night or two, but for life.

So what is dating coaching about now? For my clients, it’s about self-exploration and consequent discovery; it’s about finding out how their behavior, past experiences, and emotional issues are keeping them from finding a sustainable relationship and happiness.

Once they are clued in to self-discovery, we embark on a quest to change those behaviors, patterns of thinking, and we come to terms with the past in order to feel comfortable- and confident- going forward into the world of women.

Then comes image- how are they presenting themselves? We work on dress, haircut, posture, eye contact, demeanor- all of the things that illustrate to a woman confidence and comfort with oneself.

After all, in an evolutionary sense, women are looking for providers and protectors- so although they seek sensitivity and emotional awareness as well- image and first impressions matter to her. Women ultimately want to know that a man could- and would- keep her safe and secure in a world of chaos and fluctuation. That’s why “nice guys” often lose out to alpha males:  although nice guys might be able to be in tune with a woman’s wants and needs, her most primary need is security, and many “nice guys” lack the image that illustrates confidence and this primary ability to protect and provide, while alpha males give that impression off right off the bat.

Then we go through exercises to determine what kind of woman would really make the man happy. This involves going through priorities- what matters the most to a man in his “ideal” woman- talking about if those terms are realistic, and prioritizing the things that matter to him the most in a mate. That way, he can understand that even if he finds a woman with only his top five “qualifications,” he is still a lucky guy and he should focus on what she has that he likes, as opposed to what she doesn’t have, or qualities that he dislikes.

Often, men will have a list of “must haves” which is simply impossible to fulfill- no one, and I mean no one, will have every single qualification you have dreamed up  to be present in your shining bride. That’s why a man has to choose the qualities  that are the most important to him.

Then we embark into the “dating scene.“ I introduce my clients to the mechanisms that exist nowadays  to help romance ignite, explaining the pros and cons of each: from online dating, likeMeezoog, to speed dating, to other sorts of activities that would put the client in contact with women who match the profile he has created for her.

These can include anything from twenties and thirties geared non-profit groups, to activity clubs, to classes, to events, etc. Then we evaluate which of those might contain the woman he is looking for, and we choose the one he is most comfortable embarking on to begin.  As he goes through that experience, I talk him through the process of whatever it is that he has chosen- how to integrate what he has learned into a real environment.

Sometimes this means going on-site with the client and literally coaching him through an event, fixing nervous or egregious behavior that has arisen and helping him to comprehend the scattered clues that most woman throw out upon first meeting a man, waiting for the guy who can best pick them up and assemble them in the way that she wants and expects.

And of course, just for fun and a little extra boost, I sometimes break out the stellar wing woman in me, using elementary tools of jealousy to make the client appear more attractive and desirable to other women, as well as utilizing my knowledge of female psychology to help my client open a conversation with the woman he finds appealing.

It’s not an easy or clean process, however the men who really want to find an incredible woman must engage in this kind of self-discovery and image building in order to succeed, and more importantly to satisfy this woman and to keep her.

But again, finding this kind of relationship is what will make the man happy for the long-term.

And this is the shift that has happened since the 90’s in the dating sphere: America’s preference has deviated from the charming and clueless ‘Fresh Prince’ to the man who struggles and goes the extra mile in order to find happiness. Hello Oscar.

Try Meezoog now to find your soulmate.