Archive for the ‘holiday advice’ Category

Your How to Guide to Happiness on Valentine’s Day: Whether you are single, committed, or in that funny place in between

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

Valentine’s Day provokes a lot of strange emotional reactions: denial, sorrow, excitement, nervousness, guilt, anxiety, etc.

What I’m here to tell you is that everyone needs to chill-the-Valentine’s-Day-out.

This day is not holy, religious, or particularly crucial to the existence of mankind.

Just think about it like Halloween- some tradition picked up somewhere along the line that some people get really into and others don’t. And where we get to eat lots of candy without any guilt.

According to two men whom I accosted at Cafe Habana (thanx guys! you’re the best), men don’t even care about Valentine’s Day. They only pretend to care about it because most women do. To them, it is just another football Sunday.

They will go out of their way to do something sweet for their lady (if they have one) but only if she makes it clear that this is an important day to her.

So for the committed ladies: If you care, tell him. And don’t pretend not to care if you actually do care, because if he doesn’t do anything for you per your behavior towards the holiday, this will just end up resulting in unintentional, yet tangible resentment towards your significant other.

Yet don’t dictate plans for V- day either- if you have made it clear to him that you are down with V-day affection, let him use this as a chance to show you what you mean to him- and no, that doesn’t mean if the chocolate isn’t Godiva or the flowers aren’t roses that he doesn’t care about you- he went out of his way to engage in a sentimental holiday that he couldn’t care less about because he does care about you, no matter what the gift is that he gives.

Gift: Do or don’t? The best gift that a woman can give her boyfriend is a fun card and a viewing of lacy lingerie post-dinner. And if you are adventurous, get on the baking- everyone loves cookies and cupcakes.

For the committed men: Don’t be morons. If she has hinted to you about dinner reservations even once, that means she cares. And if you are reading this blog and still haven’t made one, your head is as thick as Skippy Peanut Butter. You do have alternatives to taking her out to dinner though- cooking dinner, for one, or- I thought this was adorable- as my friend at Cafe Habana did- getting her favorite takeout from all different restaurants- ie, chocolate cake from one place, mac n cheese from the mac and cheese place, pad thai from her favorite Thai restaurant, all capped off with a bottle of her favorite wine. Remember, you want to show her that you have made an effort.

You don’t have to go crazy finding the right gift- a bouquet of red roses (or if you want to change it up, pink or yellow) and a thoughtful or funny card will do plenty to sweep her off her feet. And if you really like her and have the cash, jewelry never hurts.

For the in-between men: If you are dating a girl, and you really like her and want things to go somewhere, a good idea is to take her out on Valentine’s Day. Your willingness to invite her out on a day traditionally reserved for couples will show her that you are serious about her. But hold off on the gift parade- a single red rose is just intimate enough to say, “I think you are beautiful and sexy,” but a card, flowers, and chocolate will probably send her running before your table is ready.

If you don’t want to get serious with the girl you are dating, do not take her out on Valentine’s Day- this will send her the wrong message and she will end up attached to you like half of America is to Family Guy.  You two can meet up another night.

For the in- between women: He invited you out to dinner. What do you do?

First, only say yes if you really like him, although let’s hope that you do since you are dating the guy.

Gift: do or don’t? Don’t. Just take extra care to look pretty, smell nice, be attentive and positive for the night,  and maybe, just maybe, wear cute undergarments :)

And make an extra effort to act like a lady- hold the spitting and burping for another night, please (although, for the love of G-d, I hope you never do this in front of men anyways other than your brother).

Single men: If there was ever a better day to find a single woman, I don’t know what that day would be. Everyone out on Valentine’s night is virtually guaranteed to be single. So you can walk up to women with an extra bit of confidence- because also, if she is out, she is not just single but S+L— single and looking.

Single ladies: Save the Ben and Jerry’s for a hot day in July. Use this day to think about the people you do love in your life, your family, your friends, whoever. This is an awesome day to chill with your other single friends, to A) realize how many women are also single and B) to live up your single life by perusing the bar at night for equally single men. How fun :)

Just remember, men are temporary, but friends, at least the good ones, are forever.

But above anything else, remember to enjoy your day, your lovers, your friends, whatever. Because A) It is a holiday and holidays= celebration, and B) You don’t have to work on Monday. I mean, really, what could be better?

For some good places to hunt and have a blast on the V-day, check out this blog: http://www.asylum.com/2010/02/11/celebrate-your-singledom-this-valentines-day/

and for couples looking for some romance, check out this one:
http://www.asylum.com/2010/02/11/new-york-city-valentines-day-guide-restaurants-events/

and of course, courtesy of the lovely Ms. Jacinto,  recession friendly Valentine’s tips:

http://www.minyanville.com/lifemoney/articles/valentines-day-plans-money-gifts-love/2/11/2010/id/26827?camp=syndication&medium=portals&from=yahoo

XOXO- The Dating Diva

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Posted in NYC, Valentine's Day, advice, advice for guys, advice for women, dating, friendship, holiday advice, relationships | 30 Comments »

The Beauty of Benefits

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010
So, how did you end up at the Gala to support Anime?

So, how did you end up at the "We Heart Anime" Gala?

We were standing by the quesadillas and salsa. I eyed them speculatively, half-listening to my fellow Tufts alum standing next to me. “You see, I’m just really not meeting the types of girls I want to meet,” he said. I wondered if they had chicken in them or if it was just veggies. Not that it mattered. I reached my hand out, fingers descending upon a little cheesy tortilla.

“So do you have any suggestions?” he asked. “I mean, you are the dating diva, you must know.”

And the dating diva did not need to be chomping on cold Mexican food. I withdrew my hand like there was a cockroach looking up at me and focused myself on the sweet boy so candidly requesting my advice.

“Well,” I said. “You have different options, depending on the type of girl you are looking for.”

Without a blink, he said, “Well-bred.” Hmmm… I wondered if he was looking for a girl or had a secret horse fetish.

Nevertheless. I thought about broaching the online idea, but then dismissed it.  Some guys aren’t ready for online. They need to start slow.

I thought about it. Where did well-bred girls congregate?

“Honestly,” I said, “I think that a great place to meet that type of girl is at a charity event.” He looked intrigued by my response, if only slightly.

“See, the first thing that’s good about a benefit, is that everyone pays to get in. This immediately weeds out a lot of the golddiggers (and for the women, the slouches).” We talked about it for several more minutes until a girl came up to me from school who I hadn’t seen in ages, and when I bid him goodbye, Eric looked at the very least, satisfied, happy to have a new way to try and meet that special someone.

Benefits really do tend to attract the cream of the crop. First of all, all of the people there have made a commitment to humanity (although they may not realize it as such) by making a contribution to a good cause. They get immediate bonus points in the land of meeting a “good” guy or “good” girl- they actually care about something besides themselves.

Benefits are also great places to meet someone because you automatically have something in common to talk about.

Man: “So, how did you end up at the Gala for Endangered Tropical Fish?”

Woman: “Well, after my travels in Zambia I was really affected by the wildlife there…”

Man: “Wow, you’ve been to Zambia? That reminds me of a little trip I took to the Ivory Coast. Unbelievable- I never meet girls who have been to Africa….”

Blah, blah, blah and the next thing you know, those two are walking down the aisle, the fish they saved in tow.

Also, people at a charity event or benefit were either invited by the organizer, or the organizer’s friends, or friends of friends, etc. This means that everyone is socially connected to each other in some way, and those who are socially connected have more in common than a random sort of grouping you might find at a bar.

And if 4 am rolls around and you haven’t met anyone date-worthy, who cares? You should feel good about yourself for having expressed a commitment to humanity by supporting a good cause.

Lucky for you, if you just love this idea, Meezoog is sponsoring not one, but two charity events this week:  one, hosted tonight,  is a Valentine’s soiree at the Gates thrown by the YPCC (the Young Professionals Council for choice), and the other, hosted tomorrow night, Feb. 5, is a music- studded extravaganza held at Amnesia to support Disaster Relief in Haiti.

To get tickets for “I Heart Pro-Choice NY“, visit www.ypccny.org, and to get tickets for “Hope for Haiti,” visit www.haitidisasterfoundation.org.

You can get out on the town, do a good deed, and meet a compatible lover all in one night.Who ever said you couldn’t kill three birds with one stone?

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Posted in NYC, Valentine's Day, holiday advice, relationships | 1 Comment »

Las Cosas del Corazon

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

“Que haces in los Estados Unidos, Samantha?,” the passport control worker said to me. I had just arrived in Chile, excited to begin a writing assignment for a new client. The name on his tag read “Estigio Gomez.” He was a jovial, heavyset Chilean man. I smiled, delighted that I had recently learnt the Spanish word for “writer.”

“Yo soy una escritora,” I replied.

“ Joven para un escritoro, si?” he continued. (You are young for a writer, aren’t you?) I laughed, shaking my head. He smiled. “Que escribes?” (What do you write?)

“Ummm..” I hesitated. This was where my Spanish died. How on earth did you say ‘dating column’ in Spanish?

I didn’t know. So I said it in English, hoping that either the right word would come to me or he would just understand. “I write about dating, relationships, love…” I trailed off at the look on his face. He didn’t get it.“Umm..” I said again. I hated not knowing what I was talking about. “Amor!” I shouted jubilantly. Yes, I knew something that made sense was in there somewhere.

“Ahhhh,” he replied, his face melting into satisfied comprehension.

“Las cosas del corazon,” he said, drawing out the last syllable.

“Si!” I exclaimed. That was exactly right. ‘Cosas’ meant things, ‘Corazon’ meant heart.

I wrote about “the things of the heart.”

After I passed through customs and emerged out into the hot sunny parking lot of the Santiago Airport, I started thinking about the difference between ‘things of the heart’ and the words we usually use to explain the same things.

In America, our “things of the heart’ terminology are the following:    love, relationships, sex, and dating. But do these really describe all the things that go on in our hearts? And does a tendency to ascribe to one of these four indicate that the other things that go on aren’t important?

I realized that the latter was correct: by generalizing into four terms,  other things, emotions, and thoughts related to our hearts are marginalized by ourselves and by society. Thus, people who can’t categorize their feelings or situation into one of these linguistic baths end up feeling bashful and unimportant.

But what’s interesting is that most people, particularly in New York where over half of the population is single aren’t in love, in relationships, having regular sex, or even dating. So does that mean that the emotions in their hearts don’t matter?

Not at all. But in order for those emotions, and for those people to gain an accepted place in society, we need to appreciate other things besides the four catch words. We need to bring words like hook-up, lust, guilt, shame, crush, same-sex partners, into the media and into the general conversation.

So heading towards this Valentine’s Day, don’t feel bad if you aren’t in a relationship, haven’t fallen in love, or don’t have a date.

Because it doesn’t mean that your heart is empty, it just means it’s busy with other things- with friendship, family, nostalgia, ambition, etc. Things that may not be spattered on the cover of Cosmo, but are nevertheless just as important.

Posted in NYC, Valentine's Day, advice, advice for women, dating, dating in marketing, fantasy love, friendship, holiday advice, media, self-love, sex, spirituality | 2 Comments »

The Key to Dating in 2010: Smarts!

Thursday, December 31st, 2009


“He doesn’t snuggle,” Kayla said into the phone, as softly as if she were whispering enemy secrets to the homefront. I could barely hear her.

“What?” I asked. I was hurrying down 8th avenue towards dance class, and as usual, the chaotic noise of the city- a truck passing, two guys handing out Obama condoms, a decrepit–looking homeless man asking for change- did not help make her voice any clearer.

“He doesn’t snuggle!” she repeated. It was really more of an exclamation.

“Oh no.” I said. “That’s bad.” I looked at my watch. Darnit, ballet class was starting in seven minutes, and I still had ten more blocks to go. I quickened my pace. “What happened exactly?” I asked.

“Well, he spooned me for like two minutes until we fell asleep, and then kaput!” she exclaimed. “I kept trying to wrap myself up in his arms and each time I finally got comfortable, he would flip back over onto his stomach and face the other way,” she said.

“Hmmm…” I responded.

“I ended up snuggling with his stuffed cow the whole night,” she grumbled bitterly.

I laughed, imagining Kayla angrily spooning a stuffed cow while Mark snored beside her.

Then I got serious again. “Well, did you talk to him about it?” I inquired. 51st st! Yes. Go sam, go! I thought, pepping myself on.

“Yea,” she said. “He said he was hot.”

Uh-oh, I thought. I had heard this before.

“Well what happened in the morning?” I asked.

“That’s the worst part,” she said. “He groggily wakes up, gives me a sloppy kiss, and then all of a sudden we were having sex. Talk about no foreplay,” she grumbled. “I didn’t even enjoy it,” she added.

Nothing worse than a guy stabbing at you like a fork into an uncooked turkey, I thought empathetically.

“And then, to make matters worse,” she continued,  ”as soon as we were done, he gets up, puts on sweats, and sits down at his desk to check e-mails. He didn’t even come back to bed!” she exclaimed.

“Well, did you ask him to come back?” I asked. 48th st. Only three blocks to go!

“Yes,” she said, “and I asked in the sweetest, sexiest voice possible.”  I knew that voice. That voice snared men into obedience like the songs of the sirens. Mark must be a real stickler.

“So what did he say?” I continued. 46th st. Yes! If only the freakin’ Midwestern couple would get out of the middle of the sidewalk, I could get through this light and then be one block away.

Kayla answered me bitterly. “He said, cuddle time is over.”

Ouch, I thought.

I had arrived. I just had to check in, throw on my ballet shoes and leotard and get into the studio. “I’m sorry, Kayla,” I answered. “That sucks. Listen, I’m at dance class, can I call you back a bit later and we can talk about it then?”

“There’s not really anything to talk about,” she responded. “Other than the fact that I am D-O-N-E done with a capital D. Talk to you later,” she answered with newfound resolve.

“Love you!” I yelled into the phone as I raced up the stairs.

During class, I was on the second side of a tondue and batma set when I started thinking about Kayla’s experience.

Brushing my pointed pink foot back and forth across the floor, I realized that Kayla had a good reason to write Mark off. More than anything, I knew, Kayla liked to snuggle. It made her feel safe, she said. And she wasn’t the only woman I knew who felt that way; most of my female acquaintances liked the cuddling piece of companionship as much as, if not more than, the sex. Particularly at night and after the act itself.

So Mark’s high body heat did not bode well for him, even though up until then, he had passed with flying colors. And apparently, had been terrific in bed.

But was his adversity to snuggling really a reason to say “Sayonara?”

For Kayla, it was. Because there was no way that she could ever have a relationship sans snuggling. Period.

For someone else, they may not be able to stand smoking, or snoring, or a  frequent fetish for threesomes. Which are all fine to be bothered by, as long as we acknowledge that they do indeed, bother us. And figure out on a scale of irritation, how high they rank compared to other things.

It is important, as we date and have sex, sleep next to someone, eat with them, talk to them, that we know what our deal-breakers are. Everyone has a few things that they simply can’t live with, or in Kayla’s case, without.

So start the 2010 dating year in  a productive way, with a clear idea of what your deal breakers, and deal makers are. What absolutely sweeps you off your feet and makes you happy like nothing else? What irritates you so much you want to take a large wooden bat to someone’s head? And what truthfully, though it may bother you or make you slightly more happy, doesn’t really matter all that much in the long run?

Write them down. Seeing your DB’s and DM’s will razor them into your psyche, so the next time you see that guy and he lights up a smoke, you will be able to peace out before he even has a chance to ask for your number. Or when you meet the girl who has musical genius pouring out of her, and you know that music is on your “can’t live without list,” you will know to hang on, at least for a bit.

In 2010, don’t just keep cursing yourself for the stupid repeat dating mistakes you make, just stop making them. With some careful thought and a visual game plan, you will be bound for success, and maybe even love.  :)

Happy New Year!

From Meezoog and The Dating Diva

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Posted in advice, advice for guys, advice for women, dating, food for thought, holiday advice, sex | No Comments »

15 Top Dating Resolutions for the New Year

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

We make plenty of resolutions each New Year’s, most of which we don’t keep. This New Year’s, why don’t we make resolutions that are a) feasible (as in, not “lose fifty pounds and make a million dollars”) and b) that will help improve our happiness factor and make us more available and desirable as a mate.
Follow this list, and you may be kissing your fiancée come next holiday season.

  1. Keep a journal: Try to write in it as much as possible, about anything and everything. At the end of each month, read through it and notice detrimental actions or thoughts that keep repeating themselves- think about what you can do to reverse these patterns.
  2. Get personal: Make an effort to use the phone instead of texting, to handwrite a letter vs. shooting off an email. Your relationships will thank you.
  3. Don’t use a date (or a mate) to make u feel better about yourself: You should like someone for them and not because they validate a part of you that needs affirmation. A relationship based on validation is only bound for disaster.
  4. Schedule a weekly “you” class: “You” classes can run the gamut from painting to flying lessons. What they all have in common, however, is that they provide you with a creative outlet, a space to reflect, a chance to improve upon a skill, and increase your general satisfaction with life.
  5. Toss your “type”: If you are still single (and don’t want to be), or tend to get hurt more often than not, something about your “type” isn’t working! So think about it: what matters to you more, a mate who is buff, blonde, and makes 100 grand a year or one who is kind, thoughtful, and funny? To recreate the person you should be looking for, break down the things that are most important to you through a MASH like method of categories, traits, and ratings. For a more detailed explanation of this method, go to http://www.meezoog.com/blog/?p=170, “The Magic Formula For Finding Your SoulMate.”
  6. Give people a chance: Don’t write off prospects for trivial flaws or slight misdemeanors- you may end up missing out on a really great catch.
  7. Trust your instincts: If something feels off about someone, you are probably right. If you know in your heart a relationship is not going to work out, don’t keep trying to make it work. Also, no one can make you like someone- at the end of the day you are the one talking to a person, going to bed with them, existing in their company. So although your mother and best friend may happily offer their two cents on your most recent date, the decision of whether or not to be with someone belongs only to yourself.
  8. Read two good books a month: Preferably a Pulitzer Prize Winner or National Book Award novel and one an interest based or self-improvement type book- these will give you insight into important societal issues and themes and insight into yourself. In addition, they will give you topics and ideas to talk about on your dates, or to bring up in that pivotal first conversation with a prospect.
  9. If you think that you have spotted the man or woman of your dreams, don’t make excuses; go talk to them: Either you will quickly find out that the fantasy person you have created is only that; a fantasy, or may not even speak English! (that has happened to me) or perhaps your dream mate radar is on target and they really are your future spouse. Either way, it is better to know rather than to fantasize and salivate over a stranger.
  10. Forget about looking stupid/celebrate your quirks: Your embarrassing addiction to race cars or tendency to blush when someone says something complimentary may just be the icing on someone’s cakes. Your quirks are what make you interesting and endearing- don’t waste any time or energy hiding them.
  11. Get out there!: You are not going to meet someone holed up on your couch watching “House,” and eating sashimi. Schedule one singles or networking event a month to get yourself out there, and in general, try to take your friends up on offers to socialize whenever you can. And yes, that means even when you are tired.
  12. Invest in your appearance: Flattering clothes, a good haircut, and some makeup can turn an ugly duck into a swan (RIP Brittany Murphy)- you don’t settle in other areas in your life, so why would you settle when it comes to your appearance? (Coming soon: “The Dating Diva’s Top Tips for How to Look Great on a Budget”)
  13. Join a Dating Network: The new and refined version of dating websites, dating networks (like Meezoog, for example), use sophisticated technology and real profiles in order to enable you to meet prospects with similar backgrounds and friends. Screen your mate before you meet them, feel them out online or on the phone, get the goods on them from a friend in common, and check them out on facebook before you go out on that date.
  14. Find a good therapist: Everybody, and I mean everybody, has things to work on and talk about candidly with someone unbiased and trained to help people improve upon themselves and their relationships. Go to your health insurance site and find a therapist now (Psychologists are preferable to social workers or psychiatrists- better training for therapy).
  15. Make dating a priority: Forget about that stupid cliché, “You are going to meet someone when you least expect it.” The only value that this saying has is reminding you not to look like a schlep when you leave the house. If having a relationship or dating more often is important to you in your life, then you have to prioritize it, like anything else; this includes strategizing your free time towards meeting single people with similar interests to you. The good news is that just by having gotten through this list, congratulations, you are already on your way!

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Posted in advice, advice for guys, advice for women, celebrities, communication, dating, economy, fantasy love, food for thought, holiday advice, relationships, safety in internet dating, self-love, soulmates, spirituality | No Comments »

Top 8 Tips to Meet Someone by New Year’s

Monday, December 21st, 2009
Me and...Myself? Not this New Years...

Me and...Myself? Not this New Year's...

Volunteer: Whether it is at a soup kitchen, an animal shelter, or your local religious establishment, get on your Good Samaritan shoes and go help humanity. You are not only likely to meet someone, but you know it will be someone who cares about others. What more could you ask for?

Holiday party- hop: Take advantage of holiday parties to meet people outside of your social circle. And also use it as a chance to really talk to people who strike your interest- the advantage of holiday parties is that they carry a congenial air; even the shiest person is infused with that friendly holiday vibe. In addition, as everyone knows someone at the party, there is more than likely to be a party guest who can give you goods on that blue-eyed gentleman you’ve been eyeing all night.
Bonus tip: Bake something for the party, no matter what sex you are. “Food is the way to a man’s heart,” as the saying goes (and I would beg to add- a woman’s- there is nothing sexier than a man who cooks). “Who baked the amazing fudge brownies?” the party will twitter. You will stand out before you know it. Cha-ching!

Join a Christmas Caroling group: While spreading good cheer around the neighborhood and giving those vocal chords a workout, you might also score yourself a pretty brunette soprano or a handsome tenor.

Join a Meet-up group: – Meetup groups (www.meetup.com) exist for just about every interest, whether intellectual (ex. book discussions) or hobby-oriented (ex. climbing). Sign up for an event and instantly meet tons of people who share your passion.

Join a Dating Network: – The new and refined version of dating websites, dating networks (like Meezoog, for example), use sophisticated technology and real profiles in order to create a social circle around you that simulates the circle you create in real life- what does that mean? Your potential mates are people with similar backgrounds, similar friends, and similar interests- not bad, huh?

Go to a Charity Event or Non-Profit Fundraiser: On the mailing list for a non-profit or charity group that is constantly throwing galas and events to raise money for its do-gooding? Cough up the cash and sign up for one- not only are you contributing to a good cause in a time where non-profits are desperate for funding, but you are likely to meet someone of a similar social caliber (they paid too, didn’t they?) with a heart towards humanity as well.
Bonus Tip: Support the charity whose activities interest or inspire you the most- there will be people at the event who feel the same way as you, enabling an instantly deeper connection than with someone you meet randomly at a bar.

Get away for a few days: Have a few days off for the holidays but your parents have retired to Mumbai? Or maybe you just don’t celebrate Christmas? Use the time to get away for a few days. Do it with an organized group to meet the maximum number of people and to travel worry and hassle-free. Try clubgetaway.com.

Go Speed Dating: You’ve always wondered about it, now go do it! A lower risk commitment than a blind date, and more casual than typical singles events, speed dating offers a way to meet tons of singles of the opposite sex in less time than it takes you to finish your martini.
Bonus Tip: Bring a single friend for ultimate fun, and don’t count out the opportunity to meet potential business contacts as well as dates! Bring plenty of business cards.

Posted in NYC, advice, advice for guys, advice for women, dating, global dating, holiday advice, relationships, soulmates, technology | 2 Comments »

How to find the perfect gift for that special someone this holiday season – Top 20 Dos and Donts

Thursday, December 10th, 2009
Whats in the box? Whatever it is, it better be good...

What's in the box? Whatever it is, better be good...

People freak out about gift-giving, particularly when it comes to that special someone. So, just in time to help you out, here are the Dating Diva’s top tips for that clueless bunch of you who need to find, wrap, and gift, stat.

1. Do stay calm. Remember that the holidays are a time for bells and lights and all things joyous. This includes you. Finding the right gift for someone is really not something to get worked up over.

2. Don’t complain about the difficult search to your single friend. She/he might offer up a few suggestions half-heartedly, but will quickly become resentful. Every time you want to complain, instead comfort yourself with the thought that, unlike her and most of the single people in New York, you have someone in your life to buy a gift for.

3. Do join forces with a friend of the opposite sex who is also shopping for their significant other. Then, as you shop, you can bounce potential gift ideas off of your friend. He, or she, can quickly eliminate the presents that are not going to work.

And, if you are thinking of buying that person any form of clothing, take a friend with you who has a similar build as the person you are dating; they can then try on for size and model the options for you (WARNING: this does not include lingerie). Remember, things look way different on a person than they do on a hanger.

4. Don’t ask the salesperson for advice, unless it is a yes or no question. Many salespeople only get paid from commission. This is why when you pick up a fifty dollar lingerie set, or cologne, and ask their advice on it, they come back with one that is twice or even three times as much. Christmas season and gullible holiday shoppers = more money in their pockets.

5. Don’t think that the most expensive gift is the best gift. If there is any “best” gift, it is the most thoughtful one, not the most expensive.

That being said, if you do find something insanely expensive that you know they will love, do write down the model/style number and look for it online- you can almost always find it cheaper.

6. Do think about buying several small gifts instead of one big one, and putting them together in a neat way. Three gifts indicate that you thought about that person three times as much.

7. Do invest in beautiful wrapping paper and ribbons; or if you are bad at wrapping, invest in a lovely girl raising money for charity who has set up a wrapping stand. Presentation is, if not everything, pretty darned important.

8. Do ask your significant other what he or she wants this holiday season. And listen! Although what they list aren’t your only options, they give you a better idea of the types of things they are thinking about, and possible last resorts if you can’t find anything good on your own.

9. Do ask their family for advice, particularly a sister or brother. Someone good to ask is also one of their close friends.

10. Do take the time to write or pick out a thoughtful card. A good card can be the make or break on an iffy gift.

11. Do think customized gifts. Customized gifts make someone feel special, whereas generic gifts make someone feel like they may as well be the mailman or a teacher.

12. Do look for presents you can’t get just anywhere. Boutiques and open-air markets are great places to look for unique presents.

13. Do use your skill set. If you are a poet, write a romantic poem, put it on parchment, and frame it. If you are a musician, compose a song and record it. Convinced you aren’t creative? Trust me, you can be. Just think hard.

14. Don’t get them a pet unless you know for sure that they want one. Pets are huge commitments, and there is nothing worse than having to return a tiny puppy. Not good.

15. Do look around their home the next time you are there, particularly their room (no, this does not mean snooping through their underwear drawer). Are the paintings on the walls colorful or black and white? Are there posters in different languages? What languages? Is there a particular celebrity or band around? Look also at the colors and the complexity level of their home- this tells you whether they prefer an ornate present or one stunning in its simplicity.

16. Do accompany them the next time they say they are going shopping (however painful this may be for you)and take notice of the types of things they pick out or admire. This can be really helpful.

17. Do send them a carefree, funny online holiday card, no matter what you end up getting them. There is nothing that brightens up a work day like a frog in a Santa suit (or better yet, Moses in a Santa suit) hopping around the computer screen of your cubicle, rapping Hanukkah carols.

18. Do start keeping an eye out now. The best presents may pop up when and where you least expect them.

19. Do expand your gift list. If you are close with their family, send their family a holiday card or get them a small gift. Also, if they have a sibling under 13, buy them some type of gift as well. This will show that you are not only thoughtful, but generous and caring (WARNING: do not do this unless you are prepared to have them fall in love with you).

20. Do trust your instincts. You will know when you find the right gift. Instead of second guessing yourself, just buy it. And if they don’t like it, then they are not the person for you anyways. That old cliche is true, “A gift isn’t really about the gift, it’s about the person who is giving it.” So stay awesome and don’t sweat it.

For great, economical gift ideas, read “Gifts that Won’t Break Your Budget.”

Still looking for that special someone? Don’t worry, there’s still time. Look on Meezoog now to find love this holiday season.

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