communication « Meezoog Blog

Archive for the ‘communication’ Category

The Power of Moving On

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

The Power of Moving On

Each client with whom I work has one major obstacle in his life that is preventing him from finding love with a compatible partner.

It is incredibly important to figure out what this thing is- whether it is a fear of commitment, fear of vulnerability, another sort of issue he is having with himself, or in the case of today’s client, a very common ailment: an attachment to an old flame or an ex.

The problem with being attached to an ex is that until you cleanse yourself of this attachment and the remaining feelings, you are never going to be able to move on and

a) find someone who you really want to invest in, because you are still secretly invested in that ex, and b) invest in anyone new at all.

Also, the attachment to the ex- and perhaps the hope that you will one day be together again- can cause you to self-sabotage, ruining your chances with people who are suitable potential mates- and probably more so suitable mates than your ex (there is a reason why you are not with them).

I remember my relationship my junior year of college. I had met a guy who was everything I wanted on paper- smart, handsome, charming- and on top of it all, we got each other, senses of sarcasm building on each other’s like bananas on peanut butter.

But as much as I gave, I was constantly frustrated by Nate, who was always saying self-sabotaging obnoxious things, talking to me in a general condescending and often grandiose way, and was hesitant to turn the relationship into something serious.

I didn’t know what was going on, but I did know that although I cared deeply about him- and was very attracted to him- I wasn’t happy. It was like we were going through the motions of being together, but it was all just an act, nothing real there at all.

After a little while of seeing each other, we were sprawled on the couch on a lazy Sunday watching football, when it finally came out: He was still in love with Ashley.

He barely saw her anymore, he said, she was doing some kind of community service in South America, but yet whatever they had had still haunted him, still tied him in knots, and most importantly, kept him from opening himself up to me and to the potential of us ever really being in love.

This is not to say that I didn’t have my own issues that also contributed to the failure of our relationship- I was terrified of monogamy- but I was also hesitant to deal with my issues and open myself up to the possibility of love and true involvement when I could tell that it wasn’t an option for him. His feelings, and his heart, were somewhere else.

And so my client today had a similar problem today to Nate- an attachment to his ex that was still very much alive, complete with the hope that they would someday get back together.

So here’s the bad news, which I unfortunately didn’t recognize with Nate- I just continued being unhappy. If someone wants to be with you, THEY WILL BE WITH YOU! Don’t make excuses for them- if they are still maintaining contact with you, particularly if they are with someone else, they are taking advantage of you, wanting the comfort and security that you provide, and maybe the love that you still profess, as a security mechanism and an ego booster, or maybe they are still keeping you around just in case they need a booty call. Either way, it’s bad news bears.

Nate was on the right track in a physical sense- he had almost completely cut himself off from contact with Ashley, but not in an emotional sense- having obviously not explored the feelings that were still there that prevented him from moving on.

And so this is the challenge- to figure out what still keeps you tied to that ex, and to recognize the things about them, or about the relationship that simply didn’t work or weren’t right for you. Not now, and not ever. Say Sayonara.

Each client with whom I work has one major obstacle in his life that is preventing him from finding love with a compatible partner.

The problem with being attached to an ex is that until you cleanse yourself of this attachment and the remaining feelings, you are never going to be able to move on and

a) Find someone who you really want to invest in, because you are still secretly invested in that ex, and b) invest in anyone new at all.

After a little while of seeing each other, we were sprawled on the couch on a lazy Sunday watching football, when it finally came out: He was still in love with Ashley.

And so my client today had a similar problem today to Nate- an attachment to his ex that was still very much alive, complete with the hope that they would someday get back together.

Posted in Break-Ups, advice, advice for guys, advice for women, communication, exes, fantasy love | 6 Comments »

Dating Coaching: Demystifying the Process

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

Dating Coaching: Demystifying the Process

I’m about to start working with a private client, a man in his twenties. To many, the idea of being coached at “dating” is straight out of Hitched- socially awkward guys needing help from suave Will Smith in order to pick up girls.

However, just as Mr. Smith finds out in the film when he actually falls for someone, dating coaching is no longer about just picking up hot girls- and is no longer reserved for the socially awkward. Several of my male friends- who were also acclaimed characters in the book The Game- all left the pick-up community, finding that although it was fun, it was ultimately unfulfilling- that they wanted love and a sustainable relationship, not just a one-night stand. So even those men, the suavest pick-up artists in the world, needed some coaching to find what they really wanted- a sustainable relationship with someone amazing.

Because sustainable relationships create sustainable happiness. And everyone wants to be happy, not just for a night or two, but for life.

So what is dating coaching about now? For my clients, it’s about self-exploration and consequent discovery- it’s about finding out how their behavior, past experiences, and emotional issues are keeping them from finding a sustainable relationship and happiness.

Once they are clued in to self-discovery, we embark on a quest to change those behaviors, patterns of thinking, and we come to terms with the past in order to feel comfortable- and confident- going forward into the world of women.

Then comes image- how are they presenting themselves? We work on dress, haircut, posture, eye contact, demeanor- all of the things that illustrate to a woman confidence and comfort with oneself.

After all, in an evolutionary sense, women are looking for providers and protectors- so although they seek sensitivity and emotional awareness as well- they ultimately want to know that a man could- and would- keep her safe and secure in a world of chaos and fluctuation. That’s why “nice guys” often lose out- because although they might be able to be in tune with a woman’s wants and needs, her most primary need is security, and they are unable to show that they can provide that right off of the bat.

Often, men will have a list of “must haves” that is simply impossible to fulfill- no one, and I mean no one, will have every single qualification you have dreamed up in your hand as your shining bride. That’s why we have to pick those qualities, and qualifications, that really matter the most to him.

Then we embark into the “dating scene.“ I introduce my clients to the mechanisms that exist nowadays to help romance ignite, explaining the pros and cons of each- from online dating to speed dating, to other sorts of activities that would put the client in contact with women who match the profile he has created for her.

These can include anything from twenties and thirties geared non-profit groups, to activity clubs, to classes, to events, etc. Then we evaluate which of those might contain the woman he is looking for, and we choose the one he is most comfortable embarking on to begin. As he goes through that experience, I talk him through the process of whatever it is that he has chosen- how to integrate what he has learned into that real environment.

Sometimes this means going on-site with the client and literally coaching him through an event, fixing nervous or egregious behavior that has arisen and helping him to comprehend the scattered clues that most woman throw out upon first meeting them, waiting for the guy who can best pick them up and assemble them in the way that she expects.

And of course, just for fun and a little extra boost, I sometimes break out the stellar wing woman in me- using elementary tools of jealousy to make the client appear more attractive and desirable to other women, and also my knowledge of female psychology, in order to help my client open the conversation with the woman he finds appealing.

It’s not an easy or clean process- the men who really want to find an incredible woman must engage in this kind of self-discovery and image building in order to find her- and more importantly to keep her and satisfy her.

But again, finding this kind of relationship is what will make him happy for the long-term, and just as Will Smith deviated from being a clueless and emotionally insensitive- yet charming- fresh prince picking up babes on ABC, even he has morphed into this crucial process of struggle, self-discovery, and accomplishment, or rather, the pursuit of happiness.

The "Expert en Seduction" is so 1990's...Au revoir, my friend

I’m about to start working with a private client, a successful and adorable man in his twenties. To many, the idea of being coached at “dating” is straight out of Hitched- socially awkward guys needing help from a suave pick-up artist in order to get hot girls.

However, just as Mr. Smith finds out in the film when he actually falls for someone- and his pick-up tools fail to impress her-, dating coaching is no longer about picking up hot girls- and is no longer reserved for the socially awkward. Several of my male friends- who were also acclaimed characters in the book The Game- all left the pick-up community, finding out that although it was fun, it was ultimately unfulfilling- that they wanted love and a sustainable relationship, not just a one-night stand. So even those masters in pick-up needed a new form of coaching, and this time, from a woman!

Because sustainable relationships create sustainable happiness. And everyone wants to be happy, not just for a night or two, but for life.

So what is dating coaching about now? For my clients, it’s about self-exploration and consequent discovery; it’s about finding out how their behavior, past experiences, and emotional issues are keeping them from finding a sustainable relationship and happiness.

Then comes image- how are they presenting themselves? We work on dress, haircut, posture, eye contact, demeanor- all of the things that illustrate to a woman confidence and comfort with oneself.

After all, in an evolutionary sense, women are looking for providers and protectors- so although they seek sensitivity and emotional awareness as well- image and first impressions matter to her. Women ultimately want to know that a man could- and would- keep her safe and secure in a world of chaos and fluctuation. That’s why “nice guys” often lose out to alpha males: although nice guys might be able to be in tune with a woman’s wants and needs, her most primary need is security, and many “nice guys” lack the image that illustrates confidence and this primary ability to protect and provide, while alpha males give that impression off right off the bat.

Then we go through exercises to determine what kind of woman would really make the man happy. This involves going through priorities- what matters the most to a man in his “ideal” woman- talking about if those terms are realistic, and prioritizing the things that matter to him the most in a mate. That way, he can understand that even if he finds a woman with only his top five “qualifications,” he is still a lucky guy and he should focus on what she has that he likes, as opposed to what she doesn’t have, or qualities that he dislikes.

Often, men will have a list of “must haves” which is simply impossible to fulfill- no one, and I mean no one, will have every single qualification you have dreamed up to be present in your shining bride. That’s why a man has to choose the qualities that are the most important to him.

Then we embark into the “dating scene.“ I introduce my clients to the mechanisms that exist nowadays to help romance ignite, explaining the pros and cons of each: from online dating, likeMeezoog, to speed dating, to other sorts of activities that would put the client in contact with women who match the profile he has created for her.

Sometimes this means going on-site with the client and literally coaching him through an event, fixing nervous or egregious behavior that has arisen and helping him to comprehend the scattered clues that most woman throw out upon first meeting a man, waiting for the guy who can best pick them up and assemble them in the way that she wants and expects.

And of course, just for fun and a little extra boost, I sometimes break out the stellar wing woman in me, using elementary tools of jealousy to make the client appear more attractive and desirable to other women, as well as utilizing my knowledge of female psychology to help my client open a conversation with the woman he finds appealing.

It’s not an easy or clean process, however the men who really want to find an incredible woman must engage in this kind of self-discovery and image building in order to succeed, and more importantly to satisfy this woman and to keep her.

But again, finding this kind of relationship is what will make the man happy for the long-term.

And this is the shift that has happened since the 90’s in the dating sphere: America’s preference has deviated from the charming and clueless ‘Fresh Prince’ to the man who struggles and goes the extra mile in order to find happiness. Hello Oscar.

Try Meezoog now to find your soulmate.

Tags: dating advice for men, dating coach NYC, singles websites NYC
Posted in Break-Ups, Coaching, NYC, Starters, advice, advice for guys, advice for women, communication, dating, facebook, fantasy love, food for thought, global dating, money, music, online dating, relationships, self-love, sex, social anthropology, soulmates, spirituality, technology, weddings | 61 Comments »

Distance: A maker or a breaker?

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Doing anything long distance sucks. Long distance phone calls = expensive. Trying to negotiate a return on your mac from a guy in India= awful. Understanding Iraqi culture and mentality from American soil= catastrophic.

Long distance relationships fall right into that category. However, sometimes a little bit of distance is a good thing…

*****

Kelley came into the bar alone, wearing the requisite midtown suit and tie, glasses, and that weary look on his face that says: Give me a cold beer immediately.

As I am the bartender, I obliged him with a cold glass of Sam Adams and asked him where he was from. “Chicago,” he said, with a warm and trusting smile that was definitely more from the MidWest than New York. “I’m here on work,” he continued.

I smiled back. I wondered if he had a wife back home in Chicago. I looked at his ring finger- Yup.

As I washed a pint glass to prepare for the next customer, I thought to myself, that must be hard, leaving your spouse all the time.

When the bar started to clear out and I had some time to talk to him further, I struck up a conversation with Kelley.

“So what’s it like?” I asked, as casually as possible. “Is traveling for work hard?”

Kelley explained that he only had to work two days out of the week in New York, the rest he spent at home in Chicago.

“Do you have kids?” I asked.

“Yes,” he responsed. “Three- thirteen, seventeen, and twenty. It was hard when my kids were little,” he said, as if reading my mind,” but now that they’re older it has gotten a lot better. And technology has made it so much easier!” he exclaimed.

“Like my thirteen year old daughter chats with me on Facebook- it makes it easier just to know that she’s there,” he said.

I thought back to when I was a little girl and my dad didn’t even have a cell phone- just a beeper. A doctor frequently on call, he would have to run to a pay phone everytime his beeper beeped with a new number and patient.

“But I have to say, there is a good part about being away,” he said. “It makes you appreciate your family so much more. Every moment I have with them I treasure.”

I thought back to my childhood again, of my dad running to the golf course to escape for a little while from the intensity of four girls plus my mother. I guess everyone needs a little time apart.

In the Orthodox Jewish faith, when a woman is in menstruation, the man and woman are required to sleep in separate beds for the duration of her period.

Just having become friendly with a married Orthodox couple who are my age- and amazingly cool- I asked them if they do that.

“Yes,” Rivvie told me.

“Does it make you want each other more once it’s over?” I asked.

At this point, Rivvie and her husband Rob both nodded at me enthusiastically.

“Yes,” Rob responded. “Being apart for that week, though it’s hard, makes you want each other so much more.”

“It’s like being newlyweds all over again,” he said. I looked at them, together. They were so in love.

The rule of sleeping in separate beds made me think of all of those articles like “What to do when your sex life gets stale,” and “How to add some spice in the bedroom.” Well, this tradition seemed like a pretty basic way to do that me, without having to buy some fancy contraption or suffocate your spouse. There is nothing like a little time apart, and a little physical space, to make you and your body realize how much you want-and need- your significant other beside you.

But don’t go crazy. A large part of a successful relationship is physical intimacy, which can only be achieved when you are together. Emotionally intimacy- and truly getting to know one another, also pinpoints of a successful relationship, are also difficult without someone’s physical presence.

I guess it’s like everything else in life: true success and happiness come with the right balance.

Tags: free singles websites, singles websites, upscale professional singles websites
Posted in Break-Ups, NYC, advice, advice for guys, advice for women, communication, dating, facebook, food for thought, global dating, media, sex, technology | 54 Comments »

The Meaning of Titles On and Off of Facebook

Monday, February 8th, 2010

Well, I am just about to be interviewed on this very topic. And found this a very enlightening blog.

Here’s what I think-

Women care more about “status” whether it’s in the real-world or on facebook.

Just like a girl will pester a guy about putting their relationship up on facebook, she will also pester him about the girlfriend label. I’ve done it.

Even if you might do these things when you are not “official,” there is still not that security- the girl is always thinking, What if? What if the phone call he didn’t return means he doesn’t like me anymore? Or the text, or email, or bbm? What if when he didn’t call me on Friday night he was hooking up with another girl? What if

Ian, your idea, while it initially had appeal to me, ultimately won’t pan out- Because girls care so much about what other people think, if her friend Suzy is on her facebook profile page in the cubicle next to her and she sees that on Suzy’s network, your profile just says “in a relationship” and not “In a relationship with so-and-so,” you are in trouble. Like, a lot of trouble.

I just read a facebook discussion board about facebook relationship statuses. After taking into consideration the guy’s view on things (read this to find out) here is the girl’s perspective. And ladies, as always, please correct me if I am wrong.

Women care more about “status” whether it’s in the real-world or on facebook. Historically, women have been defined by men. Although that’s not completely true anymore, it still is to a large degree. And we are also particularly concerned with what others think of us- especially women. And to be involved with someone but not have an official status (mistress doesn’t count), is looked upon by a lot of women as “classless, slutty,” etc., while men don’t have to go through such shaming because bachelorhood is accepted by society, whereas the life of a single woman, let’s call it bachelorettehood, or better yet, babehood, is not.

Just like a girl will pester a guy about putting their relationship up on facebook, she will also pester him about getting the label girlfriend in real life. I’ve done it.

There’s something about having the title “girlfriend” that makes us girls feel secure. We can breathe deeply, stop man-hunting, and relish the security of the words boyfriend and girlfriend. To us, when you are our boyfriend, it means there are certain responsibilities you have to fulfill- returning our calls, making us feel better when we are sad, making an effort to spend time with us, coming to family stuff, fulfilling our sex drives, etc. And we can let our nurturing selves thrive without feeling like at any moment you might drop us like a piece of candy onto the sidewalk, unwrapped, sucked on, and right in the middle of things where we can get crushed by a car. Because this is what men do.

Even if you might do stuff like meeting the family when you are not “official” there is still not that security- without the girlfriend title, the girl is always thinking, What if? What if the phone call he didn’t return means he doesn’t like me anymore? Or the text, or email, or bbm? What if when he didn’t call me on Friday night he was hooking up with another girl? What if when he told me he couldn’t hang out on Wednesday he actually could and was just making excuses? And the list goes on and on…

Yes, I know we girls are neurotic. But in order for us to do all the things that women are supposed to do-and typically like doing- for men, such as being nurturing, listening, cooking, giving advice, giving massages, engaging in intercourse, etc., there is one simple thing that we ask in return: Security. Which encompasses loyalty.

Security only comes not only when the title arrives but also when the introduction becomes, “Hi, this is my girlfriend _______.”

And that includes on facebook.

Even if you legitimately are a “private person”, unfortunately the internet has made privacy virtually obsolete, and has made public announcements of things like relationships, the norm.

So when you won’t put “In a relationship” up on facebook, you are saying to the girl one of several things: I don’t actually care about you. I’m extremely stubborn, particularly about stupid things. Or: I’m hooking up with other girls when you are not around. Not “I’m just a private person.”

Because unfortunately for the “private” guys who are sweet and loyal to their girlfriends, the “private” guys who keep things private just so they can hook up with the world have ruined things for you- just like the obnoxious kids in school did Recess. It may not be your fault, but you have to endure the consequences.

Which means changing your facebook, if that’s what she cares about.

So my advice- if you are willing to acknowledge the girl as your girlfriend in real life, then that means you care about her, and caring about her means caring about the things that she cares about, which obviously includes your facebook status. So just do it.

Ian, your idea, while it initially had appeal to me, ultimately won’t pan out- Because girls care so much about what other people think, if her friend Suzy is on her facebook profile page in the cubicle next to her and she sees that on Suzy’s network, your profile just says “in a relationship” and not “In a relationship with so-and-so,” as Michelle says on Full-House, “You’re in biiiiig trouble, mister.”

Tags: facebook relationship status advice
Posted in advice, advice for guys, advice for women, communication, dating, facebook, food for thought, friendship, global dating, sex, social anthropology, technology | 70 Comments »

The Late-Night Quandry

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

To text back or not to text? That is the question…

I have had the good fortune to be in Chile for the last ten days on a writing assignment.

A large chunk of those ten days was spent interrogating the male members of my trip about how they relate to women.

One of the following tidbits of information, however simple it may seem, is something that I know alludes many a female.

Women tend to be the nurturing and responsive members of the human species: this applies to text messages as well.

So hear ye, oh members of the responsive female race: Do not respond to any text message received from a guy after 2 am.

Texts like, “Hey, what are you up to?” “Hey, where are you?” “Wanna meet up?” “Wat up girl?” “Hey, how was your night?” etc. etc. are all code for “I want to get into your pants. Now.”

Now I know what you are saying: “But we’re just friends!” “He would never want to hook up with me.” “There’s no way he would think I would ever hook up with him.” “But what if something happened to him and he needs help?”

Yes, he definitely needs help. Turning his phone off, that is.

Humans are innately sexual human beings, and when the werewolves and the bacardi are out, this is even moreso the case.

If you still don’t believe me, my dear female friends, take a look at your text message/call box from your last night out on the town: who did you text after 2?

Enough said.

And just to make things even worse, sometimes these “Let’s hook-up” texts come before the 10:00 news even hits CNN.

With those texts, it’s important to take a close look and see if the text is specific to you or generalizable. Here’s why:
one of the guys on my trip told me that when he wants to “get some,” he will send out the same text message to a number of female contacts. Whoever responds is the winner….or rather, the loser, particularly in his case (just kidding, buddy!).

So with that said, beware of text messages from guys at any hour….I know you want to believe that he likes you, or you’re different, or you’re just friends, but, particularly if you are a friendly, appealing woman, he is testing the waters to see how close it is that he can get to you while doing the least amount of work.

Let him pick up the freaking phone if he really wants to talk to you. It won’t kill him.

Posted in NYC, advice, advice for women, communication, dating, food for thought, sex | 1 Comment »

How to Meet Women and Get Better in Bed at the Same Time

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Where are all the guys?

I go to yoga class twice a week. It is my salvation, my peace, my relaxation and rejuvenation. Every Wednesday and Friday, there is one guy in my class, a young Asian man with a British accent.

I can never understand why there aren’t more men.

Because men are constantly asking me where to meet women— and all I can think of every time I go to yoga is how gender skewed the classes are, and how much men are missing out.

So let me tell you why the girl you are looking for is in fact, out there…somewhere between a sun salutation and warrior.

First of all, most of the girls in the yoga classes I’ve been to, and I have been all over the city to a multitude of different studios and gyms, are not just pretty, but beautiful, slender, and graceful.

Also, yoga is about self-awareness- bringing people into the practice who desire to get in touch with themselves or are in touch with themselves already. And people in touch with themselves are more adroit at getting in touch with others and others feelings. The more in touch you are with yourself and with others, the better you are in any relationship, whether it be a romantic one or not.

Yoga is also about gratitude and openness, being derived from the Buddhist Faith, a faith that teaches peace, purity, and selflessness. At the beginning of each class, you are supposed to dedicate the class to something or someone. And at the end of each class, the students join together and say “Namaste,” or “The God/Goddess Spirit within me recognizes and honors the God/Goddess Spirit within you.”

What does that say about the nature of people who do yoga? They tend to be people who are open to the world and to others, and are interested in living in a state of contentedness and peace.

This means the women that you meet in yoga typically aren’t high-strung, jaded New Yorkers; they are women who embrace the spiritual roots of yoga- peace and gratitude- and they are women who have the patience and openness to breathe deeply and get through a yoga class, as difficult, deep, and often slow the class may be.

Also, yoga stretches out your entire body, limbering up areas that usually aren’t addressed in a normal stretching regimen, such as the hips and the chest. Yoga also works your core. The looser your hips, the tighter your core, and the more limber you are overall, the better you are in bed. And hello, can you say “new poses?” Let your imagination run wild…

Furthermore, yoga is so good for you that it’s kind of unbelievable we didn’t start doing it sooner. The below article cites “77 surprising health benefits of yoga,” from an increased metabolism to lower blood pressure to overall cardiovascular and bodily health. It is also a terrific compliment to weight-lifting, helping muscles to repair and recover.

http://www.nursingdegree.net/blog/24/77-surprising-health-benefits-of-yoga/

So don’t ask me where to meet women. Just get your butt to yoga. Your competition will be nil, you will show women how spiritual and in touch with yourself you are (hot), and even if you don’t get a date out of it (which I seriously doubt, if you play your cards right) you still get to stare at a bunch of cute girls in tight clothes stretching for an hour.

Oh, and you’ll feel pretty darn awesome also.

Not bad, huh?

Still intimidated? Worried you are going to make a fool of yourself?

Take a class specifically for beginners- the teacher will help you into the poses and adjust you. Or just try it at the gym- these classes are usually pretty basic.

There will be some poses that are more stretching oriented that might be difficult for you, but you actually will find that you are better than women at some of the other poses which require arm, back, and leg strength.

Namaste

Good Studios

Laughing Lotus

Yoga Works

Yoga for the People (Suggested donation)

Bikram Union Square (Hot yoga- really hard but leaves you feeling incredible)

Posted in advice, advice for guys, communication, dating, friendship, relationships, sex, spirituality | 3 Comments »

15 Top Dating Resolutions for the New Year

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

We make plenty of resolutions each New Year’s, most of which we don’t keep. This New Year’s, why don’t we make resolutions that are a) feasible (as in, not “lose fifty pounds and make a million dollars”) and b) that will help improve our happiness factor and make us more available and desirable as a mate.
Follow this list, and you may be kissing your fiancée come next holiday season.

Keep a journal: Try to write in it as much as possible, about anything and everything. At the end of each month, read through it and notice detrimental actions or thoughts that keep repeating themselves- think about what you can do to reverse these patterns.
Get personal: Make an effort to use the phone instead of texting, to handwrite a letter vs. shooting off an email. Your relationships will thank you.
Don’t use a date (or a mate) to make u feel better about yourself: You should like someone for them and not because they validate a part of you that needs affirmation. A relationship based on validation is only bound for disaster.
Schedule a weekly “you” class: “You” classes can run the gamut from painting to flying lessons. What they all have in common, however, is that they provide you with a creative outlet, a space to reflect, a chance to improve upon a skill, and increase your general satisfaction with life.
Toss your “type”: If you are still single (and don’t want to be), or tend to get hurt more often than not, something about your “type” isn’t working! So think about it: what matters to you more, a mate who is buff, blonde, and makes 100 grand a year or one who is kind, thoughtful, and funny? To recreate the person you should be looking for, break down the things that are most important to you through a MASH like method of categories, traits, and ratings. For a more detailed explanation of this method, go to http://www.meezoog.com/blog/?p=170, “The Magic Formula For Finding Your SoulMate.”
Give people a chance: Don’t write off prospects for trivial flaws or slight misdemeanors- you may end up missing out on a really great catch.
Trust your instincts: If something feels off about someone, you are probably right. If you know in your heart a relationship is not going to work out, don’t keep trying to make it work. Also, no one can make you like someone- at the end of the day you are the one talking to a person, going to bed with them, existing in their company. So although your mother and best friend may happily offer their two cents on your most recent date, the decision of whether or not to be with someone belongs only to yourself.
Read two good books a month: Preferably a Pulitzer Prize Winner or National Book Award novel and one an interest based or self-improvement type book- these will give you insight into important societal issues and themes and insight into yourself. In addition, they will give you topics and ideas to talk about on your dates, or to bring up in that pivotal first conversation with a prospect.
If you think that you have spotted the man or woman of your dreams, don’t make excuses; go talk to them: Either you will quickly find out that the fantasy person you have created is only that; a fantasy, or may not even speak English! (that has happened to me) or perhaps your dream mate radar is on target and they really are your future spouse. Either way, it is better to know rather than to fantasize and salivate over a stranger.
Forget about looking stupid/celebrate your quirks: Your embarrassing addiction to race cars or tendency to blush when someone says something complimentary may just be the icing on someone’s cakes. Your quirks are what make you interesting and endearing- don’t waste any time or energy hiding them.
Get out there!: You are not going to meet someone holed up on your couch watching “House,” and eating sashimi. Schedule one singles or networking event a month to get yourself out there, and in general, try to take your friends up on offers to socialize whenever you can. And yes, that means even when you are tired.
Invest in your appearance: Flattering clothes, a good haircut, and some makeup can turn an ugly duck into a swan (RIP Brittany Murphy)- you don’t settle in other areas in your life, so why would you settle when it comes to your appearance? (Coming soon: “The Dating Diva’s Top Tips for How to Look Great on a Budget”)
Join a Dating Network: The new and refined version of dating websites, dating networks (like Meezoog, for example), use sophisticated technology and real profiles in order to enable you to meet prospects with similar backgrounds and friends. Screen your mate before you meet them, feel them out online or on the phone, get the goods on them from a friend in common, and check them out on facebook before you go out on that date.
Find a good therapist: Everybody, and I mean everybody, has things to work on and talk about candidly with someone unbiased and trained to help people improve upon themselves and their relationships. Go to your health insurance site and find a therapist now (Psychologists are preferable to social workers or psychiatrists- better training for therapy).
Make dating a priority: Forget about that stupid cliché, “You are going to meet someone when you least expect it.” The only value that this saying has is reminding you not to look like a schlep when you leave the house. If having a relationship or dating more often is important to you in your life, then you have to prioritize it, like anything else; this includes strategizing your free time towards meeting single people with similar interests to you. The good news is that just by having gotten through this list, congratulations, you are already on your way!

Tags: brittany murphy, dating network, holiday dating advice, new year's 2010. new year's resolutions, spirituality
Posted in advice, advice for guys, advice for women, celebrities, communication, dating, economy, fantasy love, food for thought, holiday advice, relationships, safety in internet dating, self-love, soulmates, spirituality | No Comments »

When “ilikesoccer53″ is actually a horny old man…or worse yet, a Nigerian scam artist

Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

Remember the early days of AOL, when random people would IM you and ask a/s/l? And you would go, eww, what a creepo. Or maybe you would respond, but with a fake age, location, and description. As in, “I’m blonde from California, I have 34D breasts and weigh 110 lbs, and I’m 18 years old,” Of course, you were actually breast-less with braces, had crazy brownish-blond curls (not the good kind of curls), and weighed 120 lbs. Oh, and you were 11 years old. Ok, well maybe that was just me.

But regardless, the reason that I never provided any inquirers will real information about myself (aside from the fact that no one would have wanted to talk to me had I given them my actual description), was in respect to my safety.

I am from one of those little small suburbian towns where nothing ever happens. That is, until the birth of online. A girl from a neighboring town who went to Catholic school (go figure), met an older man at the mall who she had met online. Two days later, her body was found in a dumpster.
And the stories persist….Look at the link below to see more instances of when people aren’t who they say they are…

http://www.dangersofinternetdating.com/articles/cybercrime.htm

Yet somehow with the splurge of online dating, and with the seemingly increasing need for many people to find that special someone, the things our mothers told us never to do, we do, and do without thinking.

Yet now murder isn’t the only thing that can happen from meeting someone online. Welcome to the era of easy money transfers and scam artists.

This article, http://www.thesunchronicle.com/articles/2009/12/06/news/6503547.txt, from Sunday’s paper, details how a Nigerian man exploited a woman “just looking for love” on match.com, for almost 50,000 dollars.

And apparently, she isn’t the only one. And the scam artists aren’t only men.

So this article is a plea to women, to men, to children, to whoever, to stay safe. Even though the internet may just seem like the best way to communicate today, don’t give out too much information, if you meet someone you met online, meet them at a public place, and for the love of g-d, even if they are as cute as their picture, do not go home with them!! Remember, you know nothing about this person other than what they have told you.

One of the most important features of Meezoog, and why I like it so much, is because no person appears without a context. Every potential mate is connected to you through one of your friends, which gives you the ability to check up on that potential mate through someone you know and trust. And accepting a “friend request” isn’t as easy as that- you must indicate how well you know the person, the last time you talked to them, and where you know them from.

On top of all this, people join Meezoog with their real names, not with silly usernames that allow people to get away with scams like the guy from Nigeria did on match, or to get away with literally, murder.

So if you are going to online date, do it safely. Do it on Meezoog.

Also, not knowing someone doesn’t only apply to online- even if you go on a date with someone you met at a bar, say- remember that that the only things you know about him are what he decides to tell you. Yes, even if you are facebook friends- if you have no friends in common, or the friends you have in common you don’t even really know, then you are still s.o.l., and could be on your way to disaster.

(Oh, and don’t trust the people around you in a public place to intervene should your date do something strange. I saw a social psychology video where the couple at the bar saw a girl’s date put some kind of drug into her drink when she went to the bathroom, and only one out of four couples intervened to the extent that they wouldn’t let the girl leave the bar with her date (the people on the date were actors of course). Remember, the bystander effect is a b****)

Tags: advice, dating, internet safety, online dating
Posted in advice, advice for guys, advice for women, communication, dating, global dating, safety in internet dating, technology | No Comments »

Does Class Matter?: From the UK to the US

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

“Class matters,” he said to me. We were walking through the Museum of Natural History in South Kensington.

“What do you mean?” I asked. I looked to my left, distracted by something sparkly.
Was that gold? Or fools gold? I peered into the case, aching to press my hands against the glass like a small disobedient child. I refrained. Whatever it was, it was pretty.

“It just does, “he said. I took my eyes away from the sparkly item.
He stopped and looked me. “For example,” he said, “you are bright and educated – you should be with someone from your class. Nothing else will work.”

I still didn’t really get it. The whole class concept is pretty foreign to me, as in America we are taught that no matter where or how we are born, we can become the President of the United States if only we work hard and persevere. We are taught to respect others, regardless of race or religion; to appreciate good morals and generosity of character over any so-called class.

But while social mobility may be more elastic in the United States than the UK, enabling those of a lower socio-economic status or foreign birthplace to work their way to the top, I was about to find out while American social mobility may be thriving and well, classes have not disappeared. Particularly when it comes to romance.

Two weeks later…

I went to Yale for the annual Harvard-Yale game, which basically constitutes an enormous tailgate full of U-Hauls, kegs, and knit sweaters, crimson on one side, blue-and-white on the other. Oh, and a football game. But I didn’t go to that.

I was blissfully happy to be surrounded by preppy Ivy League men, and even happier to be spending time with a lovely friend who I hadn’t seen for a while.

After a very fun day schmoozing with Yalies upon Yalies, and being fed by nurturing alums (there’s nothing like hot meatballs and seven layer dip on a cold fall day), we headed to our nighttime destination: Toads.

Toads is a club that is packed to overflowing on the weekends, a variegated mix of Yalies and townies.

Although I had lived for a summer at Yale, it wasn’t until I stood on the Toads line with my three friends that I remembered how stark the difference is between the citizens of New Haven and their Ivy League coinhabitants.

Two women stood in front of me with long nails, big hair, and tight leopard print dresses. I suddenly felt modest in my black leggings and ivory tank. The line to enter was an odd mix of cream sweaters with big blue Y’s on them and sideways hats, low-slung pants, and bitty dresses.

One hour and a lot of bad eighties songs later, the lights came on. It was time to leave.
As my friend and I carefully walked down a black ramp to the floor, I saw a petite girl with curly brown hair and a forlorn face being pulled down the ramp next to us by her friend. The girl (she looked young, probably a freshman or a sophomore) was gazing longingly behind her.

I wondered why she was so sad, when her friend tugged the girl so hard they almost tumbled down the ramp. “Sara,” she yelled, “He’s from New Haven!”

I was shocked. At first the friend’s comment struck me as comical, but then I found it sad. No matter who the guy was, if he didn’t go to Yale, he would never be accepted by those who do. Particularly as any sort of boyfriend or lover.

The two entities of people are like tap water and bottled water, both the same in composition, but one distilled and refined; having a higher value. And you don’t mix tap water with bottled for fear of contaminating it, although whether or not it has contaminating properties is constantly debated.

I thought back to what Ethan had said in London between the mineral displays and the man-made solar system. Does class really matter? If it does, what are the delineating factors between one class and another? Is it education? Finances? Birthplace? Family? All of the above?

And can you be with someone from another class and be happy?

Find happiness now on Meezoog.

Posted in communication, dating, food for thought, global dating, social anthropology | No Comments »

Archive for the ‘communication’ Category

The Power of Moving On

Distance: A maker or a breaker?

The Late-Night Quandry

How to Meet Women and Get Better in Bed at the Same Time

15 Top Dating Resolutions for the New Year

When “ilikesoccer53″ is actually a horny old man…or worse yet, a Nigerian scam artist

Pages

Archives

Categories

Meezoog.com