“I’m freaking out,” Lucy said into the phone in hushed tones, as if she had just witnessed a murder and was still at the scene of the crime. I was working reception for the day and couldn’t really talk, but had picked up on her third call, worried that something was wrong. “What’s up?” I asked, as I opened a fax entirely in Chinese. How was I supposed to know what to do with this? “Is everything ok?” I continued, forwarding the fax to the office manager for her to deal with.
“No,” Lucy said. I could hear the cars rushing by in the background. “Samantha,” she said. “I like him.”
“Who?” I asked, not sure if she was talking about blonde Chris, Stamford Chris, Princeton Mark, or the guy she had gone on a date with on Friday whose name I couldn’t remember.
“Scott,” she said. Scott? I racked my brains. Ohhh…that Scott. “Wait, I thought you stopped picking up his calls?” I said, trying to get up to date on the situation before I offered advice.
“I did,” she said. “But he kept calling and calling, and then he was in town this week and asked me to be his date to a movie premiere. I mean, I couldn’t say no.” Lucy was also an aspiring actress. We had met on the set of Rescue Me, where we had played lesbian lovers.
“Ok, so you went and what happened?” I asked.
“Well, it was so weird,” she said. “Like the last time I saw him I didn’t even want to touch him, let alone sleep with him. But then all of a sudden this time the chemistry was back, like the same chemistry from the first time we met, as if the other time hadn’t even happened.”
“Ok,” I said again, trying to keep the story linear in my mind.
“So why do you think that happened?” I asked.
I heard her curse under her breath. “Sorry,” she said. “Damn high heels.”
“It’s ok,” I responded. “So,” I said, trying to get her back on track. Lucy had a habit of getting lost in her own stories.
She continued, “Well, I think what happened is that the last time I saw Scott was right after Princeton Mark came to visit, and I was just so infatuated with Mark that I couldn’t contemplate being with anyone else. But you know Mark’s leaving for Japan to teach English for like ever, and I guess I finally decided to move on.”
“Ok,” I said. “So Mark is out.”
“Right,” she said. “Mother fucker!” she screamed into the phone. I held it away from my ear. “Seriously Sammy, whoever invented high heels was a chauvinistic pig and should be strung up by the balls and shot.”
I laughed, amused as usual by her antics.
“So tell me what happened with Scott.” I said, seeing another fax come in. I opened it. This one was in German? I had thought I was working for a finance firm but apparently I was at the United Nations. I clicked the fax over to the side: Office Manager.
“Well,” she continued. “He was just cute, and so protective over me, and like really really considerate. And then, in front of one of the movie’s producers, he mentioned that he wanted me to be his girlfriend and I didn’t want to be. And I was just like whaatt? I guess, Sammy, that I hadn’t realized how much this guy actually liked me.” She took a breath. “And it was kinda nice,” she said, her voice quieting down a bit. I could tell that she was half smiling on the other end.
“So now you like him?” I asked, pressing her to continue.
“Yes,” she said. “I think I do.”
“How do you know?” I asked.
“Well,” she said, “because I acted differently. It was almost like I was being directed by a force outside myself.”
“How so?” I asked.
“He called to ask me out on a date last night, and I was exhausted and thinking to myself, no way,” she continued. Sounded like Lucy. If she was in the mood to see a guy she would jump on the opportunity, and if she wasn’t, she couldn’t care less whether he had flown in from Timbuktu and was on his dying breath, she would tell him to take a hike.
“But then I heard myself saying yes into the phone. And it wasn’t until I was walking down Broadway to meet him that it hit me: I like this man. I like him. Like really like him.”
“So, that’s great!” I responded, knowing that those who captured Lucy’s attention for more than five minutes were few and far between.
“But I’m scared,” she said, whimpering into the phone. “I feel vulnerable, and out of control, and I hate it. It’s completely disconcerting.”
“Awww, Lucy,” I said. “But sweetie, that’s all part of the fun of it. Like, it might feel weird, but just think about it as an adventure. You love adventures.”
“That’s true,” she said, sounding slightly convinced. Then her voice shifted again. “But… I don’t… want…to get… hurt,” she said slowly, drawing out the sentence.
“That’s life, Luce,” I said. “And no matter what happens just remember that it will deepen you as a person, making you wiser and more knowledgeable about the world and about yourself.” I stopped to think for a minute. “And about men!” I added.
She laughed. “That’s true,” she said. “Do you think he will hurt me, Sammy?” I couldn’t believe how small and frightened she sounded. Lucy was Ms. Confident when it came to men. “From what you’ve told me about him Lucy, it doesn’t sound like it,” I said. She sighed. “But you know what, you’re thinking too far ahead, sweetie. Instead of worrying about what might happen in the future, focus your energy on enjoying the feeling of connecting with someone now, that feeling of “liking” them. I think you are going to find out how absolutely delightful that is, and that will make it easier for you to stop worrying about the future.”
“Why are you so smart, Sammy?” she asked.
“Ha,” I laughed. “I’m only smart when it comes to other people; when it comes to myself, I’m clueless.
“Fair enough,” she said. “But you are the best.”
“True,” I giggled. Just then I saw the office manager coming from the back, and she didn’t look happy. Did she seriously think I spoke Arabic? (That was the last fax. This place was seeming sketchier and sketchier. Should’ ve known not to trust a temp place in Brooklyn). “Shoot, gotta go, Luce.”
“Yup, let’s talk later,” she said quickly. “Love you.”
“You too,” I whispered, hanging up quickly and sliding my blackberry under my desk.
The office manager started talking at me a mile a minute, something about the German fax, but I couldn’t focus. I was thinking about the last guy I had really liked. Convinced I wanted to keep my single life, as soon as it started to get serious, I had told him thanks, but no thanks. I had regretted it ever since. I was happy that I could tell Lucy not to make the same mistake.
After all, even if we can’t get over our own fears, that doesn’t mean we can’t help our friends to get over theirs.
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