Archive for the ‘spirituality’ Category

Dating Coaching: Demystifying the Process

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010
Dating Coaching: Demystifying the Process
I’m about to start working with a private client, a man in his twenties. To many, the idea of being coached at “dating” is straight out of Hitched- socially awkward guys needing help from suave Will Smith in order to pick up girls.
However, just as Mr. Smith finds out in the film when he actually falls for someone, dating coaching is no longer about just picking up hot girls- and is no longer reserved for the socially awkward. Several of my male friends- who were also acclaimed characters in the book The Game- all left the pick-up community, finding that although it was fun, it was ultimately unfulfilling- that they wanted love and a sustainable relationship, not just a one-night stand. So even those men, the suavest pick-up artists in the world, needed some coaching to find what they really wanted- a sustainable relationship with someone amazing.
Because sustainable relationships create sustainable happiness.  And everyone wants to be happy, not just for a night or two, but for life.
So what is dating coaching about now? For my clients, it’s about self-exploration and consequent discovery- it’s about finding out how their behavior, past experiences, and emotional issues are keeping them from finding a sustainable relationship and happiness.
Once they are clued in to self-discovery, we embark on a quest to change those behaviors, patterns of thinking, and we come to terms with the past in order to feel comfortable- and confident- going forward into the world of women.
Then comes image- how are they presenting themselves? We work on dress, haircut, posture, eye contact, demeanor- all of the things that illustrate to a woman confidence and comfort with oneself.
After all, in an evolutionary sense, women are looking for providers and protectors- so although they seek sensitivity and emotional awareness as well- they ultimately want to know that a man could- and would- keep her safe and secure in a world of chaos and fluctuation. That’s why “nice guys” often lose out- because although they might be able to be in tune with a woman’s wants and needs, her most primary need is security, and they are unable to show that they can provide that right off of the bat.
Then we go through exercises to determine what kind of woman would really make the man happy. This involves going through priorities- what matters the most to a man in his “ideal” woman- talking about if those terms are realistic, and prioritizing the things that matter to him the most in a mate.
Often, men will have a list of “must haves” that is simply impossible to fulfill- no one, and I mean no one, will have every single qualification you have dreamed up in your hand as your shining bride. That’s why we have to pick those qualities, and qualifications, that really matter the most to him.
Then we embark into the “dating scene.“ I introduce my clients to the mechanisms that exist nowadays  to help romance ignite, explaining the pros and cons of each- from online dating to speed dating, to other sorts of activities that would put the client in contact with women who match the profile he has created for her.
These can include anything from twenties and thirties geared non-profit groups, to activity clubs, to classes, to events, etc. Then we evaluate which of those might contain the woman he is looking for, and we choose the one he is most comfortable embarking on to begin.  As he goes through that experience, I talk him through the process of whatever it is that he has chosen- how to integrate what he has learned into that real environment.
Sometimes this means going on-site with the client and literally coaching him through an event, fixing nervous or egregious behavior that has arisen and helping him to comprehend the scattered clues that most woman throw out upon first meeting them, waiting for the guy who can best pick them up and assemble them in the way that she expects.
And of course, just for fun and a little extra boost, I sometimes break out the stellar wing woman in me- using elementary tools of jealousy to make the client appear more attractive and desirable to other women, and also my knowledge of female psychology, in order to help my client open the conversation with the woman he finds appealing.
It’s not an easy or clean process- the men who really want to find an incredible woman must engage in this kind of self-discovery and image building in order to find her- and more importantly to keep her and satisfy her.
But again, finding this kind of relationship is what will make him happy for the long-term, and just as Will Smith deviated from being a clueless and emotionally insensitive- yet charming- fresh prince picking up babes on ABC, even he has morphed into this crucial process of struggle, self-discovery, and accomplishment, or rather, the pursuit of happiness.
The Expert in Seduction is so 1990s...

The "Expert en Seduction" is so 1990's...Au revoir, my friend

I’m about to start working with a private client, a successful and adorable man in his twenties. To many, the idea of being coached at “dating” is straight out of Hitched- socially awkward guys needing help from a suave pick-up artist in order to get hot girls.

However, just as Mr. Smith finds out in the film when he actually falls for someone- and his pick-up tools fail to impress her-, dating coaching is no longer about picking up hot girls- and is no longer reserved for the socially awkward. Several of my male friends- who were also acclaimed characters in the book The Game- all left the pick-up community, finding out that although it was fun, it was ultimately unfulfilling- that they wanted love and a sustainable relationship, not just a one-night stand. So even those masters in pick-up needed a new form of coaching, and this time, from a woman!

Because sustainable relationships create sustainable happiness.  And everyone wants to be happy, not just for a night or two, but for life.

So what is dating coaching about now? For my clients, it’s about self-exploration and consequent discovery; it’s about finding out how their behavior, past experiences, and emotional issues are keeping them from finding a sustainable relationship and happiness.

Once they are clued in to self-discovery, we embark on a quest to change those behaviors, patterns of thinking, and we come to terms with the past in order to feel comfortable- and confident- going forward into the world of women.

Then comes image- how are they presenting themselves? We work on dress, haircut, posture, eye contact, demeanor- all of the things that illustrate to a woman confidence and comfort with oneself.

After all, in an evolutionary sense, women are looking for providers and protectors- so although they seek sensitivity and emotional awareness as well- image and first impressions matter to her. Women ultimately want to know that a man could- and would- keep her safe and secure in a world of chaos and fluctuation. That’s why “nice guys” often lose out to alpha males:  although nice guys might be able to be in tune with a woman’s wants and needs, her most primary need is security, and many “nice guys” lack the image that illustrates confidence and this primary ability to protect and provide, while alpha males give that impression off right off the bat.

Then we go through exercises to determine what kind of woman would really make the man happy. This involves going through priorities- what matters the most to a man in his “ideal” woman- talking about if those terms are realistic, and prioritizing the things that matter to him the most in a mate. That way, he can understand that even if he finds a woman with only his top five “qualifications,” he is still a lucky guy and he should focus on what she has that he likes, as opposed to what she doesn’t have, or qualities that he dislikes.

Often, men will have a list of “must haves” which is simply impossible to fulfill- no one, and I mean no one, will have every single qualification you have dreamed up  to be present in your shining bride. That’s why a man has to choose the qualities  that are the most important to him.

Then we embark into the “dating scene.“ I introduce my clients to the mechanisms that exist nowadays  to help romance ignite, explaining the pros and cons of each: from online dating, likeMeezoog, to speed dating, to other sorts of activities that would put the client in contact with women who match the profile he has created for her.

These can include anything from twenties and thirties geared non-profit groups, to activity clubs, to classes, to events, etc. Then we evaluate which of those might contain the woman he is looking for, and we choose the one he is most comfortable embarking on to begin.  As he goes through that experience, I talk him through the process of whatever it is that he has chosen- how to integrate what he has learned into a real environment.

Sometimes this means going on-site with the client and literally coaching him through an event, fixing nervous or egregious behavior that has arisen and helping him to comprehend the scattered clues that most woman throw out upon first meeting a man, waiting for the guy who can best pick them up and assemble them in the way that she wants and expects.

And of course, just for fun and a little extra boost, I sometimes break out the stellar wing woman in me, using elementary tools of jealousy to make the client appear more attractive and desirable to other women, as well as utilizing my knowledge of female psychology to help my client open a conversation with the woman he finds appealing.

It’s not an easy or clean process, however the men who really want to find an incredible woman must engage in this kind of self-discovery and image building in order to succeed, and more importantly to satisfy this woman and to keep her.

But again, finding this kind of relationship is what will make the man happy for the long-term.

And this is the shift that has happened since the 90’s in the dating sphere: America’s preference has deviated from the charming and clueless ‘Fresh Prince’ to the man who struggles and goes the extra mile in order to find happiness. Hello Oscar.

Try Meezoog now to find your soulmate.

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Posted in Break-Ups, Coaching, NYC, Starters, advice, advice for guys, advice for women, communication, dating, facebook, fantasy love, food for thought, global dating, money, music, online dating, relationships, self-love, sex, social anthropology, soulmates, spirituality, technology, weddings | 61 Comments »

Las Cosas del Corazon

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

“Que haces in los Estados Unidos, Samantha?,” the passport control worker said to me. I had just arrived in Chile, excited to begin a writing assignment for a new client. The name on his tag read “Estigio Gomez.” He was a jovial, heavyset Chilean man. I smiled, delighted that I had recently learnt the Spanish word for “writer.”

“Yo soy una escritora,” I replied.

“ Joven para un escritoro, si?” he continued. (You are young for a writer, aren’t you?) I laughed, shaking my head. He smiled. “Que escribes?” (What do you write?)

“Ummm..” I hesitated. This was where my Spanish died. How on earth did you say ‘dating column’ in Spanish?

I didn’t know. So I said it in English, hoping that either the right word would come to me or he would just understand. “I write about dating, relationships, love…” I trailed off at the look on his face. He didn’t get it.“Umm..” I said again. I hated not knowing what I was talking about. “Amor!” I shouted jubilantly. Yes, I knew something that made sense was in there somewhere.

“Ahhhh,” he replied, his face melting into satisfied comprehension.

“Las cosas del corazon,” he said, drawing out the last syllable.

“Si!” I exclaimed. That was exactly right. ‘Cosas’ meant things, ‘Corazon’ meant heart.

I wrote about “the things of the heart.”

After I passed through customs and emerged out into the hot sunny parking lot of the Santiago Airport, I started thinking about the difference between ‘things of the heart’ and the words we usually use to explain the same things.

In America, our “things of the heart’ terminology are the following:    love, relationships, sex, and dating. But do these really describe all the things that go on in our hearts? And does a tendency to ascribe to one of these four indicate that the other things that go on aren’t important?

I realized that the latter was correct: by generalizing into four terms,  other things, emotions, and thoughts related to our hearts are marginalized by ourselves and by society. Thus, people who can’t categorize their feelings or situation into one of these linguistic baths end up feeling bashful and unimportant.

But what’s interesting is that most people, particularly in New York where over half of the population is single aren’t in love, in relationships, having regular sex, or even dating. So does that mean that the emotions in their hearts don’t matter?

Not at all. But in order for those emotions, and for those people to gain an accepted place in society, we need to appreciate other things besides the four catch words. We need to bring words like hook-up, lust, guilt, shame, crush, same-sex partners, into the media and into the general conversation.

So heading towards this Valentine’s Day, don’t feel bad if you aren’t in a relationship, haven’t fallen in love, or don’t have a date.

Because it doesn’t mean that your heart is empty, it just means it’s busy with other things- with friendship, family, nostalgia, ambition, etc. Things that may not be spattered on the cover of Cosmo, but are nevertheless just as important.

Posted in NYC, Valentine's Day, advice, advice for women, dating, dating in marketing, fantasy love, friendship, holiday advice, media, self-love, sex, spirituality | 2 Comments »

How to Meet Women and Get Better in Bed at the Same Time

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Where are all the guys?

Where are all the guys?

I go to yoga class twice a week. It is my salvation, my peace, my relaxation and rejuvenation. Every Wednesday and Friday, there is one guy in my class, a young Asian man with a British accent.

I can never understand why there aren’t more men.

Because men are constantly asking me where to meet women— and all I can think of every time I go to yoga is how gender skewed the classes are, and how much men are missing out.

So let me tell you why the girl you are looking for is in fact, out there…somewhere between a sun salutation and warrior.

First of all, most of the girls in the yoga classes I’ve been to, and I have been all over the city to a multitude of different studios and gyms, are not just pretty, but beautiful, slender, and graceful.

Also, yoga is about self-awareness- bringing people into the practice who desire to get in touch with themselves or are in touch with themselves already. And people in touch with themselves are more adroit at getting in touch with others and others feelings.  The more in touch you are with yourself and with others, the better you are in any relationship, whether it be a romantic one or not.

Yoga is also about gratitude and openness, being derived from the Buddhist Faith, a faith that teaches peace, purity, and selflessness. At the beginning of each class, you are supposed to dedicate the class to something or someone. And at the end of each class, the students join together and say “Namaste,” or “The God/Goddess Spirit within me recognizes and honors the God/Goddess Spirit within you.”

What does that say about the nature of people who do yoga? They tend to be people who are open to the world and to others, and are interested in living in a state of contentedness and peace.

This means the women that you meet in yoga typically aren’t high-strung, jaded New Yorkers; they are women who embrace the spiritual roots of yoga- peace and gratitude- and they are women who have the patience and openness to breathe deeply and get through a yoga class, as difficult, deep, and often slow the class may be.

Also, yoga stretches out your entire body, limbering up areas that usually aren’t addressed in a normal stretching regimen, such as the hips and the chest. Yoga also works your core. The looser your hips, the tighter your core, and the more limber you are overall, the better you are in bed. And hello, can you say “new poses?” Let your imagination run wild…

Furthermore, yoga is so good for you that it’s kind of unbelievable we didn’t start doing it sooner. The below article cites “77 surprising health benefits of yoga,” from an increased metabolism to  lower blood pressure to overall cardiovascular and bodily health. It is also a terrific compliment to weight-lifting, helping muscles to repair and recover.

http://www.nursingdegree.net/blog/24/77-surprising-health-benefits-of-yoga/

So don’t ask me where to meet women.  Just get your butt to yoga.  Your competition will be nil, you will show women how spiritual and in touch with yourself you are (hot), and even if you don’t get a date out of it (which I seriously doubt, if you play your cards right) you still get to stare at a bunch of cute girls in tight clothes stretching for an hour.

Oh, and you’ll feel pretty darn awesome also.

Not bad, huh?

Still intimidated? Worried you are going to make a fool of yourself?

Take a class specifically for beginners- the teacher will help you into the poses and adjust you. Or just try it at the gym- these classes are usually pretty basic.

There will be some poses that are more stretching oriented that might be difficult for you, but you actually will find that you are better than women at some of the other poses which require arm, back, and leg strength.

Namaste :)

Good Studios

Laughing Lotus

Yoga Works

Yoga for the People (Suggested donation)

Bikram Union Square (Hot yoga- really hard but leaves you feeling incredible)

Posted in advice, advice for guys, communication, dating, friendship, relationships, sex, spirituality | 3 Comments »

15 Top Dating Resolutions for the New Year

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

We make plenty of resolutions each New Year’s, most of which we don’t keep. This New Year’s, why don’t we make resolutions that are a) feasible (as in, not “lose fifty pounds and make a million dollars”) and b) that will help improve our happiness factor and make us more available and desirable as a mate.
Follow this list, and you may be kissing your fiancée come next holiday season.

  1. Keep a journal: Try to write in it as much as possible, about anything and everything. At the end of each month, read through it and notice detrimental actions or thoughts that keep repeating themselves- think about what you can do to reverse these patterns.
  2. Get personal: Make an effort to use the phone instead of texting, to handwrite a letter vs. shooting off an email. Your relationships will thank you.
  3. Don’t use a date (or a mate) to make u feel better about yourself: You should like someone for them and not because they validate a part of you that needs affirmation. A relationship based on validation is only bound for disaster.
  4. Schedule a weekly “you” class: “You” classes can run the gamut from painting to flying lessons. What they all have in common, however, is that they provide you with a creative outlet, a space to reflect, a chance to improve upon a skill, and increase your general satisfaction with life.
  5. Toss your “type”: If you are still single (and don’t want to be), or tend to get hurt more often than not, something about your “type” isn’t working! So think about it: what matters to you more, a mate who is buff, blonde, and makes 100 grand a year or one who is kind, thoughtful, and funny? To recreate the person you should be looking for, break down the things that are most important to you through a MASH like method of categories, traits, and ratings. For a more detailed explanation of this method, go to http://www.meezoog.com/blog/?p=170, “The Magic Formula For Finding Your SoulMate.”
  6. Give people a chance: Don’t write off prospects for trivial flaws or slight misdemeanors- you may end up missing out on a really great catch.
  7. Trust your instincts: If something feels off about someone, you are probably right. If you know in your heart a relationship is not going to work out, don’t keep trying to make it work. Also, no one can make you like someone- at the end of the day you are the one talking to a person, going to bed with them, existing in their company. So although your mother and best friend may happily offer their two cents on your most recent date, the decision of whether or not to be with someone belongs only to yourself.
  8. Read two good books a month: Preferably a Pulitzer Prize Winner or National Book Award novel and one an interest based or self-improvement type book- these will give you insight into important societal issues and themes and insight into yourself. In addition, they will give you topics and ideas to talk about on your dates, or to bring up in that pivotal first conversation with a prospect.
  9. If you think that you have spotted the man or woman of your dreams, don’t make excuses; go talk to them: Either you will quickly find out that the fantasy person you have created is only that; a fantasy, or may not even speak English! (that has happened to me) or perhaps your dream mate radar is on target and they really are your future spouse. Either way, it is better to know rather than to fantasize and salivate over a stranger.
  10. Forget about looking stupid/celebrate your quirks: Your embarrassing addiction to race cars or tendency to blush when someone says something complimentary may just be the icing on someone’s cakes. Your quirks are what make you interesting and endearing- don’t waste any time or energy hiding them.
  11. Get out there!: You are not going to meet someone holed up on your couch watching “House,” and eating sashimi. Schedule one singles or networking event a month to get yourself out there, and in general, try to take your friends up on offers to socialize whenever you can. And yes, that means even when you are tired.
  12. Invest in your appearance: Flattering clothes, a good haircut, and some makeup can turn an ugly duck into a swan (RIP Brittany Murphy)- you don’t settle in other areas in your life, so why would you settle when it comes to your appearance? (Coming soon: “The Dating Diva’s Top Tips for How to Look Great on a Budget”)
  13. Join a Dating Network: The new and refined version of dating websites, dating networks (like Meezoog, for example), use sophisticated technology and real profiles in order to enable you to meet prospects with similar backgrounds and friends. Screen your mate before you meet them, feel them out online or on the phone, get the goods on them from a friend in common, and check them out on facebook before you go out on that date.
  14. Find a good therapist: Everybody, and I mean everybody, has things to work on and talk about candidly with someone unbiased and trained to help people improve upon themselves and their relationships. Go to your health insurance site and find a therapist now (Psychologists are preferable to social workers or psychiatrists- better training for therapy).
  15. Make dating a priority: Forget about that stupid cliché, “You are going to meet someone when you least expect it.” The only value that this saying has is reminding you not to look like a schlep when you leave the house. If having a relationship or dating more often is important to you in your life, then you have to prioritize it, like anything else; this includes strategizing your free time towards meeting single people with similar interests to you. The good news is that just by having gotten through this list, congratulations, you are already on your way!

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Posted in advice, advice for guys, advice for women, celebrities, communication, dating, economy, fantasy love, food for thought, holiday advice, relationships, safety in internet dating, self-love, soulmates, spirituality | No Comments »

Dodge Brothers WWI Army Trucks

Friday, November 27th, 2009


The gravel crunched beneath our van as we pulled into our Thanksgiving destination, a red wooden house capped by a green hard tennis court and a small brown pond.

The men were standing in the garage holding wine glasses, inspecting what I could only assume to be Dennis’s latest purchase. I jumped out of the car, little sister in tow, and galloped towards them, eager to see the latest acquisition. Giving hugs and hellos as we approached, I saw it: an old green army truck. The front seal of the car had a Jewish star symbol and read, “Dodge Brothers, 1916.”

Dennis had acquired it after someone forwarded him a link on Craigslist, he said. Within 24 hours, a deal had been struck, and the vehicle was on its way from San Francisco to Connecticut. It was one of 1000 of these trucks that had been built for the war; half had gone to France to fight against the Germans, the other half had remained in the states, but the whereabouts of only three remained- Dennis’s garage was one, the other two were museums.

It was not the only army truck in the musty barnlike garage. There was another one, fully restored and polished, yet slightly different (this one could be used for civilian purposes, Dennis explained), from 1917, and another one that was barely a shell of a vehicle, purple and black and metal, but Dennis said he could easily restore it to what it looked like back in 1918.

As the men wandered back into the house, eager to get started in on hot turkey and stuffing (and as the menu would have it, deep-fried oreos), Lily and I stayed, curiously drinking in the cars and firing questions at Dennis about their history and about how he managed to find such cool stuff.

Dennis was all too happy to oblige, showering us with information on the acquisition and restoration of rare antiques.

But soon the cold started to bite, and it was time to go in. Dennis tenderly laid a canvas over his new car, as if he were putting a newborn baby to sleep for the night.

He told me he spent nearly all of his free time searching the internet and flea markets for rare treasures, engrossed in their history and nuances.

“You see, Sam,” he said, “you gotta have something. Your dad has golf, and I have…” he gestured to the myriad antiquities littering the garage, “this.” And with that we headed towards the warmth of the house; towards chestnut soup and marshmallow-covered sweet potatoes.

For each one of us, there is something in our lives that keeps life interesting, something that has the capacity to grow and expand, to engage our interest, to stimulate the reaches of our brains that constantly ache for excitement.

For some people, it is their jobs, for others, it is a hobby, a passion, an escape. Dennis reminded me of how different people’s passions may be; to him, it is searching for and restoring Dodge Brothers World War I army trucks, to my dad, it is decreasing his handicap by another point, and to someone else, it might be mastering the art of making crème brulee.

No one is less important to the other; what is important is that they are there, keeping us bright when times get tough; personal adventures and gratifications in a world where our lives are anything but personal, stickily intertwined with the lives of others.

So on this Thanksgiving, thank yourself for knowing what your passion is and letting yourself engage in it, and if you don’t know, go find it.

If you have a moment, leave a comment on what it is that is your passion, that keeps you going everyday. Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Find someone who shares your passion now on Meezoog.

Posted in food for thought, self-love, spirituality | 1 Comment »

Self Love: Part Two

Monday, November 9th, 2009

I’ve been thinking about self-love all day. It intrigues me for a reason I don’t really know.

I went to yoga class, huffing and puffing from my brief cardio workout, excited to get into my downward dogs and chatarangas, and get out all the angst left over from a vacation with my sister. But just as I was eager to begin, the teacher paused. We were in mountain pose (hands in prayer at your heart). The beautiful, lean yoga teacher said to the class, choose something to dedicate your practice to. This was not an out of the ordinary request from a yoga teacher, and my usual dedications popped up: my sisters, stopping genocide, ending poverty, etc., etc.,but this time I stopped instead of picking one of the myriad usuals.

I dedicated my practice to self-love, in all its generality.

And in my practice, I found myself trusting my body more than i ever have before (and I have been doing yoga since my friend lent me her Denise Austin yogalates video in high school). For the first time, I gave my worries, my fears and my frustrations completely over to my body, and let my body express those. And it was an entirely new experience.

So back from yoga, munching on crunchy baked green beans (if you haven’t had these, I suggest you try some- they are delicious), I have decided that a big chunk of self-love comes from trust. Trusting your body, your mind, your decisions, and your capabilities as an independent human being, to lead you down whatever path in life they create. It’s like doing a trust fall, but instead of depending on others to catch you, you have to depend on yourself. Can you catch yourself?

Posted in advice, food for thought, self-love, spirituality | No Comments »

Self- Love: What is it anyway?

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Love After Love

The time will come
When, with elation
You will greet yourself arriving
At your own door, in your own mirror,
And each will smile at the other’s welcome

And say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
To itself, to the stranger who has loved you

All your life, whom you ignored
For another, who knows you by heart
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

The photographs, the desperate notes,
Peel your own image from the mirror.
Sir. Feast on your life.

-Derek Walcott

Everyone always talks about the concept of self-love, and we all hear the clichéd sayings passing around about it. In their nebulous and slightly cheesy way, these sayings often resemble salty mashed potatoes made out of a box on Thanksgiving.
“Love yourself,” they say. “You will never be able to love anyone until you love yourself.”

But what exactly is ‘self-love?’ Does it mean that we wake up in the morning and wrap our arms around ourselves, looking in the mirror and mouthing the words “I love you” to our sleep-tossed faces? Does it mean we treat ourselves to shopping sprees and crazily expensive Chloe bags? Does it mean we practice yoga, teach ourselves about discipline and harmony, learn about buddhism and meditation? When people say it is internal, what does that mean? Or is self-love something that can’t be pinpointed, because some of us just have it and some of us just don’t? And where does self-love cross into narcissism? Are these two related?

Someone once told me an analogy that put it slightly into perspective for me. They key to self-love, the psychologist said, is to separate yourself into two parts, a parent and her child. Our frustrations, and problems often appear from the child’s perspective. In order to love ourselves, we must address the child’s problems from the perspective of the loving parent. And yet we are still ourselves.

http://www.soul-awakening.com/quotes/quotes-self-worth.htm
This website is interesting; it introduces the concept that the reason we have such difficulty self-loving is two fold- because we have been taught to accept other’s assessments of as as fact, and because we have also been taught that to love oneself is vain, selfish, egotistical.

What does everyone else think? What is self-love, and how is it acquired?

I have opened up a forum for this in the Meezoog forums, because I think it is a very esoteric and fascinating topic. So embrace some philosophy into your mundane work-day, and go talk to the Meezoog community about it!

Posted in food for thought, self-love, spirituality | No Comments »

Linking Spirituality and Love in Art

Sunday, October 25th, 2009

The Guggenheim was packed on Wednesday. Crowds overflowed the white circular swirling ramps of the Upper East Side Museum, everyone jollied by the free admission and voraciously consuming the art on display.

The featured collection at the Guggenheim is by Wassily Kandinsky, an artist whose career spanned from the abstract to the linear, and from Germany, to Russia, and finally to France.

Kandinsky, like many artists, had repititive images that appeared in many of his paintings. One of these was the horse and rider. One of his most popular paintings, circa 1907, is called “A Couple Riding.” This painting shows entangled lovers on a white horse. The man looks tenderly down at the woman, as if at the end or at the beginning of a romantic embrace. The Guggenheim, in reflection on this painting, suggests that, “Here, as elsewhere, romantic love may be perceived as the way to spiritual redemption.” The Guggenheim defines spiritual redemption as “a better and more spiritual future,” as spirituality was one of Kandinsky’s main influences (music being the main other).

If one looks closely at the painting, the brilliant dots littered all over the backdrop of the city, and the horse and couple themselves, seem to light up the painting, creating the essence of spirituality and redemption that he was trying to portray.

As one who defines spirituality as an indescribable feeling that is more personal and internal than anything else, I put this blog out to you to give me your opinion on the subject.

This site, Recovery is Sexy, (I know, pretty great title huh) gives an interesting survey of how spirituality means different things to different people. They say (The recovery experts, I’m assuming) that:

“Spirituality is a word used in an abundance of contexts that means

different things for
different people at
different times in
different cultures.”

This being said, and I suggest you read the whole post before posting your opinion, what does spirituality mean to you? And how, if so, do you think it relates to romantic love?

Posted in literature, love in art, music, spirituality | 1 Comment »

Conscious Loving…kind of sounds like a bad 80’s band

Monday, October 12th, 2009

 

                                                                         

Got this in my email today…

“Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving” – Beginner Weekend Seminar

Atmananda is very proud to host this month the world-renowned teachers of Tantra, Charles Muir and Leah Alchin who will be teaching a workshop on the weekend of the 22nd of October (starting with a Puja on October 21st). It is titled “Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving” and it will liven up your sexual love life in one amazing weekend.

 This seminar is a wonderful introduction to the transformative powers of Tantra Yoga. Whether you attend as a couple or come as a single, it will teach you how to use sexual energy for increased intimacy, spiritual connection, and pleasure beyond your imagination. You will begin to master the many methods of regeneration so you can make love well into your old age, keeping you young for many years to come. Master Charles Muir and Leah Alchin use a down-to-earth, humorous, and candid approach to creating a safe environment for singles and couples.

Need help paying for your seminars?

Help spread the word! Earn “Tantra Dollars” for every person you refer! For each individual who attends the seminar, you will earn a 10% commission. That’s as much as $90 “Tantra Dollars” per couple towards your seminar.

I’m thinking a few things about this…First of all, is conscious loving opposed to unconscious loving? I may be wrong, but i am pretty sure that is called rape… Secondly, i am wondering if the tantra dollar is worth more than the American dollar- does it smell like perfume? or is it laced with some sort of aphrodysiac?

On a serious note, yoga dates are actually super fun. Extremely awkward, but pretty hilarious. Can definitely increase your comfort level together as a couple or a new twosome. They do a lot of joint poses, where you actually lean on each other in order to do the pose- this physical leaning will help you to trust your partner in an emotional sense (that is, if he doesn’t drop you…)

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