Archive for the ‘food for thought’ Category

« Older Entries

Dating Coaching: Demystifying the Process

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010
Dating Coaching: Demystifying the Process
I’m about to start working with a private client, a man in his twenties. To many, the idea of being coached at “dating” is straight out of Hitched- socially awkward guys needing help from suave Will Smith in order to pick up girls.
However, just as Mr. Smith finds out in the film when he actually falls for someone, dating coaching is no longer about just picking up hot girls- and is no longer reserved for the socially awkward. Several of my male friends- who were also acclaimed characters in the book The Game- all left the pick-up community, finding that although it was fun, it was ultimately unfulfilling- that they wanted love and a sustainable relationship, not just a one-night stand. So even those men, the suavest pick-up artists in the world, needed some coaching to find what they really wanted- a sustainable relationship with someone amazing.
Because sustainable relationships create sustainable happiness.  And everyone wants to be happy, not just for a night or two, but for life.
So what is dating coaching about now? For my clients, it’s about self-exploration and consequent discovery- it’s about finding out how their behavior, past experiences, and emotional issues are keeping them from finding a sustainable relationship and happiness.
Once they are clued in to self-discovery, we embark on a quest to change those behaviors, patterns of thinking, and we come to terms with the past in order to feel comfortable- and confident- going forward into the world of women.
Then comes image- how are they presenting themselves? We work on dress, haircut, posture, eye contact, demeanor- all of the things that illustrate to a woman confidence and comfort with oneself.
After all, in an evolutionary sense, women are looking for providers and protectors- so although they seek sensitivity and emotional awareness as well- they ultimately want to know that a man could- and would- keep her safe and secure in a world of chaos and fluctuation. That’s why “nice guys” often lose out- because although they might be able to be in tune with a woman’s wants and needs, her most primary need is security, and they are unable to show that they can provide that right off of the bat.
Then we go through exercises to determine what kind of woman would really make the man happy. This involves going through priorities- what matters the most to a man in his “ideal” woman- talking about if those terms are realistic, and prioritizing the things that matter to him the most in a mate.
Often, men will have a list of “must haves” that is simply impossible to fulfill- no one, and I mean no one, will have every single qualification you have dreamed up in your hand as your shining bride. That’s why we have to pick those qualities, and qualifications, that really matter the most to him.
Then we embark into the “dating scene.“ I introduce my clients to the mechanisms that exist nowadays  to help romance ignite, explaining the pros and cons of each- from online dating to speed dating, to other sorts of activities that would put the client in contact with women who match the profile he has created for her.
These can include anything from twenties and thirties geared non-profit groups, to activity clubs, to classes, to events, etc. Then we evaluate which of those might contain the woman he is looking for, and we choose the one he is most comfortable embarking on to begin.  As he goes through that experience, I talk him through the process of whatever it is that he has chosen- how to integrate what he has learned into that real environment.
Sometimes this means going on-site with the client and literally coaching him through an event, fixing nervous or egregious behavior that has arisen and helping him to comprehend the scattered clues that most woman throw out upon first meeting them, waiting for the guy who can best pick them up and assemble them in the way that she expects.
And of course, just for fun and a little extra boost, I sometimes break out the stellar wing woman in me- using elementary tools of jealousy to make the client appear more attractive and desirable to other women, and also my knowledge of female psychology, in order to help my client open the conversation with the woman he finds appealing.
It’s not an easy or clean process- the men who really want to find an incredible woman must engage in this kind of self-discovery and image building in order to find her- and more importantly to keep her and satisfy her.
But again, finding this kind of relationship is what will make him happy for the long-term, and just as Will Smith deviated from being a clueless and emotionally insensitive- yet charming- fresh prince picking up babes on ABC, even he has morphed into this crucial process of struggle, self-discovery, and accomplishment, or rather, the pursuit of happiness.
The Expert in Seduction is so 1990s...

The "Expert en Seduction" is so 1990's...Au revoir, my friend

I’m about to start working with a private client, a successful and adorable man in his twenties. To many, the idea of being coached at “dating” is straight out of Hitched- socially awkward guys needing help from a suave pick-up artist in order to get hot girls.

However, just as Mr. Smith finds out in the film when he actually falls for someone- and his pick-up tools fail to impress her-, dating coaching is no longer about picking up hot girls- and is no longer reserved for the socially awkward. Several of my male friends- who were also acclaimed characters in the book The Game- all left the pick-up community, finding out that although it was fun, it was ultimately unfulfilling- that they wanted love and a sustainable relationship, not just a one-night stand. So even those masters in pick-up needed a new form of coaching, and this time, from a woman!

Because sustainable relationships create sustainable happiness.  And everyone wants to be happy, not just for a night or two, but for life.

So what is dating coaching about now? For my clients, it’s about self-exploration and consequent discovery; it’s about finding out how their behavior, past experiences, and emotional issues are keeping them from finding a sustainable relationship and happiness.

Once they are clued in to self-discovery, we embark on a quest to change those behaviors, patterns of thinking, and we come to terms with the past in order to feel comfortable- and confident- going forward into the world of women.

Then comes image- how are they presenting themselves? We work on dress, haircut, posture, eye contact, demeanor- all of the things that illustrate to a woman confidence and comfort with oneself.

After all, in an evolutionary sense, women are looking for providers and protectors- so although they seek sensitivity and emotional awareness as well- image and first impressions matter to her. Women ultimately want to know that a man could- and would- keep her safe and secure in a world of chaos and fluctuation. That’s why “nice guys” often lose out to alpha males:  although nice guys might be able to be in tune with a woman’s wants and needs, her most primary need is security, and many “nice guys” lack the image that illustrates confidence and this primary ability to protect and provide, while alpha males give that impression off right off the bat.

Then we go through exercises to determine what kind of woman would really make the man happy. This involves going through priorities- what matters the most to a man in his “ideal” woman- talking about if those terms are realistic, and prioritizing the things that matter to him the most in a mate. That way, he can understand that even if he finds a woman with only his top five “qualifications,” he is still a lucky guy and he should focus on what she has that he likes, as opposed to what she doesn’t have, or qualities that he dislikes.

Often, men will have a list of “must haves” which is simply impossible to fulfill- no one, and I mean no one, will have every single qualification you have dreamed up  to be present in your shining bride. That’s why a man has to choose the qualities  that are the most important to him.

Then we embark into the “dating scene.“ I introduce my clients to the mechanisms that exist nowadays  to help romance ignite, explaining the pros and cons of each: from online dating, likeMeezoog, to speed dating, to other sorts of activities that would put the client in contact with women who match the profile he has created for her.

These can include anything from twenties and thirties geared non-profit groups, to activity clubs, to classes, to events, etc. Then we evaluate which of those might contain the woman he is looking for, and we choose the one he is most comfortable embarking on to begin.  As he goes through that experience, I talk him through the process of whatever it is that he has chosen- how to integrate what he has learned into a real environment.

Sometimes this means going on-site with the client and literally coaching him through an event, fixing nervous or egregious behavior that has arisen and helping him to comprehend the scattered clues that most woman throw out upon first meeting a man, waiting for the guy who can best pick them up and assemble them in the way that she wants and expects.

And of course, just for fun and a little extra boost, I sometimes break out the stellar wing woman in me, using elementary tools of jealousy to make the client appear more attractive and desirable to other women, as well as utilizing my knowledge of female psychology to help my client open a conversation with the woman he finds appealing.

It’s not an easy or clean process, however the men who really want to find an incredible woman must engage in this kind of self-discovery and image building in order to succeed, and more importantly to satisfy this woman and to keep her.

But again, finding this kind of relationship is what will make the man happy for the long-term.

And this is the shift that has happened since the 90’s in the dating sphere: America’s preference has deviated from the charming and clueless ‘Fresh Prince’ to the man who struggles and goes the extra mile in order to find happiness. Hello Oscar.

Try Meezoog now to find your soulmate.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Break-Ups, Coaching, NYC, Starters, advice, advice for guys, advice for women, communication, dating, facebook, fantasy love, food for thought, global dating, money, music, online dating, relationships, self-love, sex, social anthropology, soulmates, spirituality, technology, weddings | 61 Comments »

Distance: A maker or a breaker?

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Doing anything long distance sucks. Long distance phone calls = expensive. Trying to negotiate a return on your mac from a guy in India= awful. Understanding Iraqi culture and mentality from American soil= catastrophic.

Long distance relationships fall right into that category. However, sometimes a little bit of distance is a good thing…

*****

Kelley came into the bar alone, wearing the requisite midtown suit and tie, glasses, and that weary look on his face that says: Give me a cold beer immediately.

As I am the bartender, I obliged him with a cold glass of Sam Adams and asked him where he was from. “Chicago,” he said, with a warm and trusting smile that was definitely more from the  MidWest than New York. “I’m here on work,” he continued.

I smiled back. I wondered if he had a wife back home in Chicago. I looked at his ring finger- Yup.

As I washed a pint glass to prepare for the next customer, I thought to myself, that must be hard, leaving your spouse all the time.

When the bar started to clear out and I had some time to talk to him further, I struck up a conversation with Kelley.

“So what’s it like?” I asked, as casually as possible. “Is traveling for work hard?”

Kelley explained that he only had to work two days out of the week in New York, the rest he spent at home in Chicago.

“Do you have kids?” I asked.

“Yes,” he responsed. “Three- thirteen, seventeen, and twenty. It was hard when my kids were little,” he said, as if reading my mind,” but now that they’re older it has gotten a lot better. And technology has made it so much easier!” he exclaimed.

“Like my thirteen year old daughter chats with me on Facebook- it makes it easier just to know that she’s there,” he said.

I thought back to when I was a little girl and my dad didn’t even have a cell phone- just a beeper. A doctor frequently on call, he would have to run to a pay phone everytime his beeper beeped with a new number and patient.

“But I have to say, there is a good part about being away,” he said. “It makes you appreciate your family so much more. Every moment I have with them I treasure.”

I thought back to my childhood again, of my dad running to the golf course to escape for a little while from the intensity of four girls plus my mother. I guess everyone needs a little time apart.

In the Orthodox Jewish faith, when a woman is in menstruation, the man and woman are required to sleep in separate beds for the duration of her period.

Just having become friendly with a married Orthodox couple who are  my age- and amazingly cool- I asked them if they do that.

“Yes,” Rivvie told me.

“Does it make you want each other more once it’s over?” I asked.

At this point, Rivvie and her husband Rob both nodded at me enthusiastically.

“Yes,” Rob responded. “Being apart for that week, though it’s hard, makes you want each other so much more.”

“It’s like being newlyweds all over again,” he said. I looked at them, together. They were so in love.

The rule of sleeping in separate beds made me think of all of those articles like “What to do when your sex life gets stale,” and “How to add some spice in the bedroom.” Well, this tradition seemed like a pretty basic way to do that me, without having to buy some fancy contraption or suffocate your spouse. There is nothing like a little time apart, and a little physical space, to make you and your body realize how much you want-and need- your significant other beside you.

But don’t go crazy. A large part of a successful relationship is physical intimacy, which can only be achieved when you are together. Emotionally intimacy- and truly getting to know one another, also pinpoints of a successful relationship,  are also difficult without someone’s physical presence.

I guess it’s like everything else in life: true success and happiness come with the right balance.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Break-Ups, NYC, advice, advice for guys, advice for women, communication, dating, facebook, food for thought, global dating, media, sex, technology | 54 Comments »

The Meaning of Titles On and Off of Facebook

Monday, February 8th, 2010
Well, I am just about to be interviewed on this very topic. And found this a very enlightening blog.
Here’s what I think-
Women care more about “status” whether it’s in the real-world or on facebook.
Just like a girl will pester a guy about putting their relationship up on facebook, she will also pester him about the girlfriend label. I’ve done it.
There’s something about having the title “girlfriend” that makes us girls feel secure. We can breathe deeply, stop man-hunting, and relish the security of the words boyfriend and girlfriend. To us, when you are our boyfriend, it means there are certain responsibilities you have to fulfill- returning our calls, making us feel better when we are sad, making an effort to spend time with us, coming to family stuff, etc.
Even if you might do these things when you are not “official,” there is still not that security- the girl is always thinking, What if? What if the phone call he didn’t return means he doesn’t like me anymore? Or the text, or email, or bbm? What if when he didn’t call me on Friday night he was hooking up with another girl? What if
So my advice- if you are willing to acknowledge the girl as your girlfriend in real life, then that means you care about her, and caring about her means caring about the things that she cares about, which obviously includes your facebook status. So just do it.
Ian, your idea, while it initially had appeal to me, ultimately won’t pan out- Because girls care so much about what other people think, if her friend Suzy is on her facebook profile page in the cubicle next to her and she sees that on Suzy’s network, your profile just says “in a relationship” and not “In a relationship with so-and-so,” you are in trouble. Like, a lot of trouble.

I just read a facebook discussion board about facebook relationship statuses. After taking into consideration the guy’s view on things (read this to find out) here is the girl’s perspective. And ladies, as always, please correct me if I am wrong.

Women care more about “status” whether it’s in the real-world or on facebook. Historically, women have been defined by men. Although that’s not completely true anymore, it still is to a large degree. And we are also particularly concerned with what others think of us- especially women. And to be involved with someone but not have an official status (mistress doesn’t count), is looked upon by a lot of women as “classless, slutty,” etc., while men don’t have to go through such shaming because bachelorhood is accepted by society, whereas the life of a single woman, let’s call it bachelorettehood, or better yet, babehood, is not. 

Just like a girl will pester a guy about putting their relationship up on facebook, she will also pester him about getting the label girlfriend in real life. I’ve done it.


There’s something about having the title “girlfriend” that makes us girls feel secure. We can breathe deeply, stop man-hunting, and relish the security of the words boyfriend and girlfriend. To us, when you are our boyfriend, it means there are certain responsibilities you have to fulfill- returning our calls, making us feel better when we are sad, making an effort to spend time with us, coming to family stuff, fulfilling our sex drives, etc. And we can let our nurturing selves thrive without feeling like at any moment you might drop us like a piece of candy onto the sidewalk, unwrapped, sucked on, and right in the middle of things where we can get crushed by a car. Because this is what men do. 

Even if you might do stuff like meeting the family when you are not “official” there is still not that security- without the girlfriend title, the girl is always thinking, What if? What if the phone call he didn’t return means he doesn’t like me anymore? Or the text, or email, or bbm? What if when he didn’t call me on Friday night he was hooking up with another girl? What if when he told me he couldn’t hang out on Wednesday he actually could and was just making excuses? And the list goes on and on…


Yes, I know we girls are neurotic. But in order for us to do all the things that women are supposed to do-and typically like doing- for men, such as being nurturing, listening, cooking, giving advice, giving massages, engaging in intercourse, etc., there is one simple thing that we ask in return: Security. Which encompasses loyalty.

Security only comes not only when the title arrives but also when the introduction becomes, “Hi, this is my girlfriend _______.” 

And that includes on facebook.

Even if you legitimately are a “private person”, unfortunately the internet has made privacy virtually obsolete, and has made public announcements of things like relationships, the norm.


So when you won’t put “In a relationship” up on facebook, you are saying to the girl one of several things: I don’t actually care about you. I’m extremely stubborn, particularly about stupid things. Or: I’m hooking up with other girls when you are not around. Not “I’m just a private person.”

Because unfortunately for the “private” guys who are sweet and loyal to their girlfriends, the “private” guys who keep things private just so they can hook up with the world have ruined things for you- just like the obnoxious kids in school did Recess. It may not be your fault, but you have to endure the consequences. 

Which means changing your facebook, if that’s what she cares about.


So my advice- if you are willing to acknowledge the girl as your girlfriend in real life, then that means you care about her, and caring about her means caring about the things that she cares about, which obviously includes your facebook status. So just do it. 

Ian, your idea, while it initially had appeal to me, ultimately won’t pan out- Because girls care so much about what other people think, if her friend Suzy is on her facebook profile page in the cubicle next to her and she sees that on Suzy’s network, your profile just says “in a relationship” and not “In a relationship with so-and-so,”  as Michelle says on Full-House, “You’re in biiiiig trouble, mister.” 


Tags:
Posted in advice, advice for guys, advice for women, communication, dating, facebook, food for thought, friendship, global dating, sex, social anthropology, technology | 70 Comments »

Facebook Relationship Status

Monday, February 8th, 2010

The Dating Diva is being interviewed today by the Sacramento Bee about the meaning of facebook relationship statuses (stati?). Any comments before I proceed? I am determined to be the “Jane Austen” of Facebook…

http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1895694,00.html

Posted in facebook, food for thought | 3 Comments »

The Late-Night Quandry

Sunday, January 24th, 2010
To text back or not to text? That is the question…

I have had the good fortune to be in Chile for the last ten days on a writing assignment.

A large chunk of those ten days was spent interrogating the male members of my trip about how they relate to women.

One of the following tidbits of information, however simple it may seem, is something that I know alludes many a female.

Women tend to be the nurturing and responsive members of the human species: this applies to text messages as well.

So hear ye, oh members of the responsive female race: Do not respond to any text message received from a guy after 2 am.

Texts like, “Hey, what are you up to?” “Hey, where are you?” “Wanna meet up?” “Wat up girl?” “Hey, how was your night?” etc. etc. are all code for “I want to get into your pants. Now.”

Now I know what you are saying: “But we’re just friends!” “He would never want to hook up with me.” “There’s no way he would think I would ever hook up with him.” “But what if something happened to him and he needs help?”

Yes, he definitely needs help. Turning his phone off, that is.

Humans are innately sexual human beings, and when the werewolves and the bacardi are out, this is even moreso the case.

If you still don’t believe me, my dear female friends, take a look at your text message/call box from your last night out on the town: who did you text after 2?

Enough said.

And just to make things even worse, sometimes these “Let’s hook-up” texts come before the 10:00 news even hits CNN.

With those texts, it’s important to take a close look and see if the text is specific to you or generalizable. Here’s why:
one of the guys on my trip  told me that when he wants to “get some,” he will send out the same text message to a number of female contacts. Whoever responds is the winner….or rather, the loser, particularly in his case (just kidding, buddy!).

So with that said, beware of  text messages from guys at any hour….I know you want to believe that he likes you, or you’re different, or you’re just friends, but, particularly if you are a friendly, appealing woman, he is testing the waters to see how close it is that he can get to you while doing the least amount of work.

Let him pick up the freaking phone if he really wants to talk to you. It won’t kill him.

Posted in NYC, advice, advice for women, communication, dating, food for thought, sex | 1 Comment »

The Key to Dating in 2010: Smarts!

Thursday, December 31st, 2009


“He doesn’t snuggle,” Kayla said into the phone, as softly as if she were whispering enemy secrets to the homefront. I could barely hear her.

“What?” I asked. I was hurrying down 8th avenue towards dance class, and as usual, the chaotic noise of the city- a truck passing, two guys handing out Obama condoms, a decrepit–looking homeless man asking for change- did not help make her voice any clearer.

“He doesn’t snuggle!” she repeated. It was really more of an exclamation.

“Oh no.” I said. “That’s bad.” I looked at my watch. Darnit, ballet class was starting in seven minutes, and I still had ten more blocks to go. I quickened my pace. “What happened exactly?” I asked.

“Well, he spooned me for like two minutes until we fell asleep, and then kaput!” she exclaimed. “I kept trying to wrap myself up in his arms and each time I finally got comfortable, he would flip back over onto his stomach and face the other way,” she said.

“Hmmm…” I responded.

“I ended up snuggling with his stuffed cow the whole night,” she grumbled bitterly.

I laughed, imagining Kayla angrily spooning a stuffed cow while Mark snored beside her.

Then I got serious again. “Well, did you talk to him about it?” I inquired. 51st st! Yes. Go sam, go! I thought, pepping myself on.

“Yea,” she said. “He said he was hot.”

Uh-oh, I thought. I had heard this before.

“Well what happened in the morning?” I asked.

“That’s the worst part,” she said. “He groggily wakes up, gives me a sloppy kiss, and then all of a sudden we were having sex. Talk about no foreplay,” she grumbled. “I didn’t even enjoy it,” she added.

Nothing worse than a guy stabbing at you like a fork into an uncooked turkey, I thought empathetically.

“And then, to make matters worse,” she continued,  ”as soon as we were done, he gets up, puts on sweats, and sits down at his desk to check e-mails. He didn’t even come back to bed!” she exclaimed.

“Well, did you ask him to come back?” I asked. 48th st. Only three blocks to go!

“Yes,” she said, “and I asked in the sweetest, sexiest voice possible.”  I knew that voice. That voice snared men into obedience like the songs of the sirens. Mark must be a real stickler.

“So what did he say?” I continued. 46th st. Yes! If only the freakin’ Midwestern couple would get out of the middle of the sidewalk, I could get through this light and then be one block away.

Kayla answered me bitterly. “He said, cuddle time is over.”

Ouch, I thought.

I had arrived. I just had to check in, throw on my ballet shoes and leotard and get into the studio. “I’m sorry, Kayla,” I answered. “That sucks. Listen, I’m at dance class, can I call you back a bit later and we can talk about it then?”

“There’s not really anything to talk about,” she responded. “Other than the fact that I am D-O-N-E done with a capital D. Talk to you later,” she answered with newfound resolve.

“Love you!” I yelled into the phone as I raced up the stairs.

During class, I was on the second side of a tondue and batma set when I started thinking about Kayla’s experience.

Brushing my pointed pink foot back and forth across the floor, I realized that Kayla had a good reason to write Mark off. More than anything, I knew, Kayla liked to snuggle. It made her feel safe, she said. And she wasn’t the only woman I knew who felt that way; most of my female acquaintances liked the cuddling piece of companionship as much as, if not more than, the sex. Particularly at night and after the act itself.

So Mark’s high body heat did not bode well for him, even though up until then, he had passed with flying colors. And apparently, had been terrific in bed.

But was his adversity to snuggling really a reason to say “Sayonara?”

For Kayla, it was. Because there was no way that she could ever have a relationship sans snuggling. Period.

For someone else, they may not be able to stand smoking, or snoring, or a  frequent fetish for threesomes. Which are all fine to be bothered by, as long as we acknowledge that they do indeed, bother us. And figure out on a scale of irritation, how high they rank compared to other things.

It is important, as we date and have sex, sleep next to someone, eat with them, talk to them, that we know what our deal-breakers are. Everyone has a few things that they simply can’t live with, or in Kayla’s case, without.

So start the 2010 dating year in  a productive way, with a clear idea of what your deal breakers, and deal makers are. What absolutely sweeps you off your feet and makes you happy like nothing else? What irritates you so much you want to take a large wooden bat to someone’s head? And what truthfully, though it may bother you or make you slightly more happy, doesn’t really matter all that much in the long run?

Write them down. Seeing your DB’s and DM’s will razor them into your psyche, so the next time you see that guy and he lights up a smoke, you will be able to peace out before he even has a chance to ask for your number. Or when you meet the girl who has musical genius pouring out of her, and you know that music is on your “can’t live without list,” you will know to hang on, at least for a bit.

In 2010, don’t just keep cursing yourself for the stupid repeat dating mistakes you make, just stop making them. With some careful thought and a visual game plan, you will be bound for success, and maybe even love.  :)

Happy New Year!

From Meezoog and The Dating Diva

Tags: , ,
Posted in advice, advice for guys, advice for women, dating, food for thought, holiday advice, sex | No Comments »

15 Top Dating Resolutions for the New Year

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

We make plenty of resolutions each New Year’s, most of which we don’t keep. This New Year’s, why don’t we make resolutions that are a) feasible (as in, not “lose fifty pounds and make a million dollars”) and b) that will help improve our happiness factor and make us more available and desirable as a mate.
Follow this list, and you may be kissing your fiancée come next holiday season.

  1. Keep a journal: Try to write in it as much as possible, about anything and everything. At the end of each month, read through it and notice detrimental actions or thoughts that keep repeating themselves- think about what you can do to reverse these patterns.
  2. Get personal: Make an effort to use the phone instead of texting, to handwrite a letter vs. shooting off an email. Your relationships will thank you.
  3. Don’t use a date (or a mate) to make u feel better about yourself: You should like someone for them and not because they validate a part of you that needs affirmation. A relationship based on validation is only bound for disaster.
  4. Schedule a weekly “you” class: “You” classes can run the gamut from painting to flying lessons. What they all have in common, however, is that they provide you with a creative outlet, a space to reflect, a chance to improve upon a skill, and increase your general satisfaction with life.
  5. Toss your “type”: If you are still single (and don’t want to be), or tend to get hurt more often than not, something about your “type” isn’t working! So think about it: what matters to you more, a mate who is buff, blonde, and makes 100 grand a year or one who is kind, thoughtful, and funny? To recreate the person you should be looking for, break down the things that are most important to you through a MASH like method of categories, traits, and ratings. For a more detailed explanation of this method, go to http://www.meezoog.com/blog/?p=170, “The Magic Formula For Finding Your SoulMate.”
  6. Give people a chance: Don’t write off prospects for trivial flaws or slight misdemeanors- you may end up missing out on a really great catch.
  7. Trust your instincts: If something feels off about someone, you are probably right. If you know in your heart a relationship is not going to work out, don’t keep trying to make it work. Also, no one can make you like someone- at the end of the day you are the one talking to a person, going to bed with them, existing in their company. So although your mother and best friend may happily offer their two cents on your most recent date, the decision of whether or not to be with someone belongs only to yourself.
  8. Read two good books a month: Preferably a Pulitzer Prize Winner or National Book Award novel and one an interest based or self-improvement type book- these will give you insight into important societal issues and themes and insight into yourself. In addition, they will give you topics and ideas to talk about on your dates, or to bring up in that pivotal first conversation with a prospect.
  9. If you think that you have spotted the man or woman of your dreams, don’t make excuses; go talk to them: Either you will quickly find out that the fantasy person you have created is only that; a fantasy, or may not even speak English! (that has happened to me) or perhaps your dream mate radar is on target and they really are your future spouse. Either way, it is better to know rather than to fantasize and salivate over a stranger.
  10. Forget about looking stupid/celebrate your quirks: Your embarrassing addiction to race cars or tendency to blush when someone says something complimentary may just be the icing on someone’s cakes. Your quirks are what make you interesting and endearing- don’t waste any time or energy hiding them.
  11. Get out there!: You are not going to meet someone holed up on your couch watching “House,” and eating sashimi. Schedule one singles or networking event a month to get yourself out there, and in general, try to take your friends up on offers to socialize whenever you can. And yes, that means even when you are tired.
  12. Invest in your appearance: Flattering clothes, a good haircut, and some makeup can turn an ugly duck into a swan (RIP Brittany Murphy)- you don’t settle in other areas in your life, so why would you settle when it comes to your appearance? (Coming soon: “The Dating Diva’s Top Tips for How to Look Great on a Budget”)
  13. Join a Dating Network: The new and refined version of dating websites, dating networks (like Meezoog, for example), use sophisticated technology and real profiles in order to enable you to meet prospects with similar backgrounds and friends. Screen your mate before you meet them, feel them out online or on the phone, get the goods on them from a friend in common, and check them out on facebook before you go out on that date.
  14. Find a good therapist: Everybody, and I mean everybody, has things to work on and talk about candidly with someone unbiased and trained to help people improve upon themselves and their relationships. Go to your health insurance site and find a therapist now (Psychologists are preferable to social workers or psychiatrists- better training for therapy).
  15. Make dating a priority: Forget about that stupid cliché, “You are going to meet someone when you least expect it.” The only value that this saying has is reminding you not to look like a schlep when you leave the house. If having a relationship or dating more often is important to you in your life, then you have to prioritize it, like anything else; this includes strategizing your free time towards meeting single people with similar interests to you. The good news is that just by having gotten through this list, congratulations, you are already on your way!

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in advice, advice for guys, advice for women, celebrities, communication, dating, economy, fantasy love, food for thought, holiday advice, relationships, safety in internet dating, self-love, soulmates, spirituality | No Comments »

Dating and… Deodorant?

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

Yesterday I had a commercial audition for a line of mens deodorant (I know, I’m not a man- I will explain.)

I tend to keep a completely open mind going into commercial auditions because although sides (a script) may be provided, the audition is usually improv based. So today, all I knew is that I was going in for a pretty, clean-cut girl in her early 20’s- specifically a funny field guide (of course, I had no clue what that was).

They called me into the auditon right after a girl who resembled a barbie doll (like, i actually wanted to touch her hair to see if she was real), and I went in with pretty much no clue what the audition would consist of, particularly since there were no sides at the check-in.
The room was just slightly intimidating- seven people lined the walls, all holding macbooks, eagerly scrutinizing me and my “performance in the audition.” I said hello, made some kind of stupid joke about macs, and sat down in the center of the room.
“Ok,” the woman behind the camera said to me, “So we need you to pretend that you’re on a really boring date. The team will direct you on specific things that you should do.” So I looked around, bit my nails, feigned a few smiles, and then finally fell asleep on the dinner table. Brilliance.

As I left the room, laughing to myself at the hysterical nature of these auditions, I wondered what on earth a boring date had to do with men’s deodorant? I would think a smelly date would have more to do with deodorant than a boring one…

But such is marketing- products utilize the meat-market mentality of dating to illustrate why their product is more likely to help someone attract a mate than its competitors.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Stories, dating, dating in marketing, food for thought, media | No Comments »

What is this world coming to?

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

http://gawker.com/5427642/rachel-uchitel-inspires-little-girls-everywhere-to-be-one-step-up-from-a-hooker

All I have to say about this is one word: Yikes. How do we send the message to our children that prostitution is not a viable career?

And where in God-s name are our morals?

Also particularly upsetting is “Ask Ashley,” as in Eliot Spitzer’s former prostitute, a column in the New York Post where Ashley gives relationship and sex advice.

A few questions:
Are prostitutes normally in relationships?
Did they screen her for STD’s before giving her this job?
Did she graduate college? Or even go?
And finally, what is this world coming to?

Please, if anyone knows the answers to these questions, enlighten me and our readers.

Posted in NYC, advice, advice for women, celebrities, fantasy love, food for thought, media, money, sex | No Comments »

Dodge Brothers WWI Army Trucks

Friday, November 27th, 2009


The gravel crunched beneath our van as we pulled into our Thanksgiving destination, a red wooden house capped by a green hard tennis court and a small brown pond.

The men were standing in the garage holding wine glasses, inspecting what I could only assume to be Dennis’s latest purchase. I jumped out of the car, little sister in tow, and galloped towards them, eager to see the latest acquisition. Giving hugs and hellos as we approached, I saw it: an old green army truck. The front seal of the car had a Jewish star symbol and read, “Dodge Brothers, 1916.”

Dennis had acquired it after someone forwarded him a link on Craigslist, he said. Within 24 hours, a deal had been struck, and the vehicle was on its way from San Francisco to Connecticut. It was one of 1000 of these trucks that had been built for the war; half had gone to France to fight against the Germans, the other half had remained in the states, but the whereabouts of only three remained- Dennis’s garage was one, the other two were museums.

It was not the only army truck in the musty barnlike garage. There was another one, fully restored and polished, yet slightly different (this one could be used for civilian purposes, Dennis explained), from 1917, and another one that was barely a shell of a vehicle, purple and black and metal, but Dennis said he could easily restore it to what it looked like back in 1918.

As the men wandered back into the house, eager to get started in on hot turkey and stuffing (and as the menu would have it, deep-fried oreos), Lily and I stayed, curiously drinking in the cars and firing questions at Dennis about their history and about how he managed to find such cool stuff.

Dennis was all too happy to oblige, showering us with information on the acquisition and restoration of rare antiques.

But soon the cold started to bite, and it was time to go in. Dennis tenderly laid a canvas over his new car, as if he were putting a newborn baby to sleep for the night.

He told me he spent nearly all of his free time searching the internet and flea markets for rare treasures, engrossed in their history and nuances.

“You see, Sam,” he said, “you gotta have something. Your dad has golf, and I have…” he gestured to the myriad antiquities littering the garage, “this.” And with that we headed towards the warmth of the house; towards chestnut soup and marshmallow-covered sweet potatoes.

For each one of us, there is something in our lives that keeps life interesting, something that has the capacity to grow and expand, to engage our interest, to stimulate the reaches of our brains that constantly ache for excitement.

For some people, it is their jobs, for others, it is a hobby, a passion, an escape. Dennis reminded me of how different people’s passions may be; to him, it is searching for and restoring Dodge Brothers World War I army trucks, to my dad, it is decreasing his handicap by another point, and to someone else, it might be mastering the art of making crème brulee.

No one is less important to the other; what is important is that they are there, keeping us bright when times get tough; personal adventures and gratifications in a world where our lives are anything but personal, stickily intertwined with the lives of others.

So on this Thanksgiving, thank yourself for knowing what your passion is and letting yourself engage in it, and if you don’t know, go find it.

If you have a moment, leave a comment on what it is that is your passion, that keeps you going everyday. Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Find someone who shares your passion now on Meezoog.

Posted in food for thought, self-love, spirituality | 1 Comment »

« Older Entries