Archive for the ‘economy’ Category

Daytime Dating: The Sunny way to Date

Monday, April 5th, 2010



At long last, it’s spring. The birds are chirping, people are laughing, and you can actually see what someone looks like walking down the street because they’re not all bundled up in a winter coat. The parks are finally becoming green again and joggers are showing up outside instead of in the gyms.

Beautiful weather and greenery give off a lovely vibe of leisure and peace.

So you meet a prospect and want to go on a date- and, you actually are looking to get to know the person, not just to sleep with them. In winter, it is natural to suggest a restaurant or indoor activity. But for spring and summer, make it an outdoor date- and make it during the day. Even better is to plan the date on a Saturday or Sunday, where neither of you have to be anywhere.

Great daytime dates typically start around 1 or 2:00 in the afternoon with lunch and conversation- if the weather is nice, make it a picnic. And it doesn’t have to be in Central Park- New York has parks all over the place, and although some might be nicer than others, just sitting in the sun near some trees has a pretty magical effect.

After lunch, walk around- no purpose necessary. However, it is always nice to walk towards a romantic destination- so that when your sandals start digging into your toes, there is actually a bench or some grass to sit down on, and an environment to set the mood.

The endorphins provided by the exercise of walking and the happiness engendered by the sun will put you both in a good mood- setting you up for a lovely time with one another. And resist the urge to make plans with a friend for later in the day or to provide yourself with an out. Just enjoy the weather and the company and let yourself get to know that person. A really awesome daytime date won’t end until after the sun sets:  as my lovely date yesterday said as we waited for homemade pasta at a little Italian bistro tucked away on Suffolk Street -”It’s like we’ve had three dates in one- (and three great dates, at that).” :)

Great ideas for beautiful daytime dates:

Picnics- Whole Foods and the City Bakery (18th bet 5th and 6th), are both places great to get picnic-esque food

Parks (Central, Madison, Gramercy (if you can sneak your way in- just be prepared to sneak out also!), Bryant, Riverside)

*The Reservoir and the Pond at Central Park are both gorgeous

The Water – There is a beautiful new esplanade between East Houston Street to 20th st., and then all the way from 59th st. up on the East Side, and the West Side has places to chill all the way up to Harlem)

Bike Riding- Most places let you rent bikes as cheap as 10 dollars for two hours

Roof Top restaurants, gardens, and bars- Most of these are hotel bars- Gramercy Park Hotel, the Soho Grand, the Hudson Hotel, The Standard Hotel

Canoeing- Central Park anyone?

Kayaking- Kayaking starts in the middle of May at spots up and down the Hudson  http://www.downtownboathouse.org/kayaking.html, and bonus, it’s free!!!

The Driving Range- Chelsea Piers, anyone?

Hiking- take the subway up to Inwood- and hello, hiking!

Ice Cream- my personal fave is Emack and Bolio’s

The Ferry- The Ferry to Staten Island is 100 percent free

The Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island- intellectual, interesting, and ancestral oriented, ferry is awesome

Posted in NYC, advice, dating, economy | 7 Comments »

15 Top Dating Resolutions for the New Year

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

We make plenty of resolutions each New Year’s, most of which we don’t keep. This New Year’s, why don’t we make resolutions that are a) feasible (as in, not “lose fifty pounds and make a million dollars”) and b) that will help improve our happiness factor and make us more available and desirable as a mate.
Follow this list, and you may be kissing your fiancée come next holiday season.

  1. Keep a journal: Try to write in it as much as possible, about anything and everything. At the end of each month, read through it and notice detrimental actions or thoughts that keep repeating themselves- think about what you can do to reverse these patterns.
  2. Get personal: Make an effort to use the phone instead of texting, to handwrite a letter vs. shooting off an email. Your relationships will thank you.
  3. Don’t use a date (or a mate) to make u feel better about yourself: You should like someone for them and not because they validate a part of you that needs affirmation. A relationship based on validation is only bound for disaster.
  4. Schedule a weekly “you” class: “You” classes can run the gamut from painting to flying lessons. What they all have in common, however, is that they provide you with a creative outlet, a space to reflect, a chance to improve upon a skill, and increase your general satisfaction with life.
  5. Toss your “type”: If you are still single (and don’t want to be), or tend to get hurt more often than not, something about your “type” isn’t working! So think about it: what matters to you more, a mate who is buff, blonde, and makes 100 grand a year or one who is kind, thoughtful, and funny? To recreate the person you should be looking for, break down the things that are most important to you through a MASH like method of categories, traits, and ratings. For a more detailed explanation of this method, go to http://www.meezoog.com/blog/?p=170, “The Magic Formula For Finding Your SoulMate.”
  6. Give people a chance: Don’t write off prospects for trivial flaws or slight misdemeanors- you may end up missing out on a really great catch.
  7. Trust your instincts: If something feels off about someone, you are probably right. If you know in your heart a relationship is not going to work out, don’t keep trying to make it work. Also, no one can make you like someone- at the end of the day you are the one talking to a person, going to bed with them, existing in their company. So although your mother and best friend may happily offer their two cents on your most recent date, the decision of whether or not to be with someone belongs only to yourself.
  8. Read two good books a month: Preferably a Pulitzer Prize Winner or National Book Award novel and one an interest based or self-improvement type book- these will give you insight into important societal issues and themes and insight into yourself. In addition, they will give you topics and ideas to talk about on your dates, or to bring up in that pivotal first conversation with a prospect.
  9. If you think that you have spotted the man or woman of your dreams, don’t make excuses; go talk to them: Either you will quickly find out that the fantasy person you have created is only that; a fantasy, or may not even speak English! (that has happened to me) or perhaps your dream mate radar is on target and they really are your future spouse. Either way, it is better to know rather than to fantasize and salivate over a stranger.
  10. Forget about looking stupid/celebrate your quirks: Your embarrassing addiction to race cars or tendency to blush when someone says something complimentary may just be the icing on someone’s cakes. Your quirks are what make you interesting and endearing- don’t waste any time or energy hiding them.
  11. Get out there!: You are not going to meet someone holed up on your couch watching “House,” and eating sashimi. Schedule one singles or networking event a month to get yourself out there, and in general, try to take your friends up on offers to socialize whenever you can. And yes, that means even when you are tired.
  12. Invest in your appearance: Flattering clothes, a good haircut, and some makeup can turn an ugly duck into a swan (RIP Brittany Murphy)- you don’t settle in other areas in your life, so why would you settle when it comes to your appearance? (Coming soon: “The Dating Diva’s Top Tips for How to Look Great on a Budget”)
  13. Join a Dating Network: The new and refined version of dating websites, dating networks (like Meezoog, for example), use sophisticated technology and real profiles in order to enable you to meet prospects with similar backgrounds and friends. Screen your mate before you meet them, feel them out online or on the phone, get the goods on them from a friend in common, and check them out on facebook before you go out on that date.
  14. Find a good therapist: Everybody, and I mean everybody, has things to work on and talk about candidly with someone unbiased and trained to help people improve upon themselves and their relationships. Go to your health insurance site and find a therapist now (Psychologists are preferable to social workers or psychiatrists- better training for therapy).
  15. Make dating a priority: Forget about that stupid cliché, “You are going to meet someone when you least expect it.” The only value that this saying has is reminding you not to look like a schlep when you leave the house. If having a relationship or dating more often is important to you in your life, then you have to prioritize it, like anything else; this includes strategizing your free time towards meeting single people with similar interests to you. The good news is that just by having gotten through this list, congratulations, you are already on your way!

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Posted in advice, advice for guys, advice for women, celebrities, communication, dating, economy, fantasy love, food for thought, holiday advice, relationships, safety in internet dating, self-love, soulmates, spirituality | No Comments »

Best dates = Booze-free

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

A comment was posted on one of my earlier blogs regarding the use of alcohol as a confidence booster on a date. Anything like this I may have said was probably along the lines of “If you are so nervous that you are about to choke on your soup and cause a scene straight out of Mrs. Doubtfire, better to have a glass of wine than to get the Heimlich maneuver from your waiter, or worse, your date.”

But let’s take this opportunity to talk about alcohol consumption and dating. Because as behavior is affected, and in some cases, our personalities, by the consumption of alcohol, it is important to talk about it as a legitimate ingredient in the dating recipe.

Drinking too much on a date, or out, can be catastrophic for either sex. This is why it is important to constantly be aware of, and monitor, your alcohol intake.

First of all, one glass of wine does not equal an entire bottle. Don’t let nerves carry you into gulping down your beverages like a frat boy doing a keg stand at Harvard-Yale, because you will be drunk before you can say, “Boo.” And once you can’t see straight, you can’t see straight.

Watching alcohol intake is particularly poignant for women, who are affected by alcohol faster and more potently than men. Particularly if one is drinking on an empty stomach, the gracious lady in the pencil skirt and Gucci heels may be tripping over a chair on her way to the restroom before she knows it. So ladies, even if your date is still drinking, once you know that you have had enough, say “Caput.” If you feel awkward without a drink in your hand, ask for a water or a seltzer with lime. Whatever you do, do not try to match the alcohol intake of your date. Remember, he could weigh twice as much as you, which means he can consume twice as much.

Even if you are not drinking on an empty stomach, say a dinner date perhaps, it is still important to watch alcohol intake. Because let’s face it, how much do women really eat on dates anyway? Two bites, maybe three? This does not actually constitute putting food in your stomach, and it will not temper the effects of a significant amount of alcohol.

And in respect to a woman’s acute alcohol sensitivity, I advise men to be clear to a woman about whether she should be expecting dinner or just drinks.

There is nothing worse than taking a woman out who is expecting dinner (and therefore, hasn’t eaten), and then just ordering drinks. She will be unpleasantly inebriated within an hour, and may even end up falling asleep on the table on the hour and a half mark. And don’t ask a girl on a drink date, if you are trying to assess whether to take her to dinner from drinks, “Have you eaten?“ unless you preface it with, “I’m starved, have you eaten?“ Because even if she is hungry, a girl will never say yes to the first question, not wanting to put you in an awkward position. But also don’t take a woman out to eat if you have already eaten- she won’t be comfortable ordering and eating alone while you sit there across the table foodless, regardless of whether or not you plan on picking up the bill.

If you don’t want to take a girl for a formal dinner, try a tapas bar or a dessert date: both casual replacements for a dinner that won’t center the night around drinking, which as we said, can be catastrophic.

Why is that? For both sexes, drinking excessively on a date may cause you to say or do things that under normal circumstances, you never would. And most of the time these things are not advantageous to you or the potential relationship on the table.

This may be hard to remember while you are sipping down one yummy martini after the next, but it is quite easy to comprehend when your phone never again receives a call or text (ok, or bbm) from that person. Could it be because you drank too much and ended up rambling on and on about your ex for the entire night? Or the threesomes you had on college spring break in Mexico? With two locals? If you are thinking, Yikes!, right about now, you are one hundred percent on target.

Alcohol can also cause two people to become sexual before it is good for their relationship, setting up a sexual standard for the rest of their dating relationship (if there is one), that is nearly impossible to change.

So rather than making a date drink-centric, save your face and your wallet by taking her out on a date that is booze-free.

Women love plays, and movies, and mini-golf, and concerts, comedy shows and gallery openings- some may even like Yankees games, if you are lucky (and not from Boston)- and he list goes on and on, particularly in New York.

Taking a woman on an alcohol-free date shows her that you are confident about yourself sans alcohol, and that you are actually trying to get to know her (and not trying to get her into bed). These types of dates, which require more thinking, also indicate to a woman that you are cultured, well-rounded, and resourceful.

Need ideas? Three of the nicest dates that I have been on have been: a) a ghost tour of Boston, b) sharing a chocolate ice cream waffle at Max Brenner’s (although the guy did turn out to be a jerk), c) grilling smores at an Asian barbeque restaurant, d) holding hands at a Feist concert.

So stop drinking and get thinking! Your dating life, and your dates, will thank you.

Posted in NYC, Starters, advice, advice for guys, advice for women, dating, drinking, economy, relationships | 1 Comment »

With Love comes Weddings…And Creativity

Monday, September 21st, 2009

Although the recession sucks, it has also caused us to get smarter. Now I think twice about buying a fourteen dollar salad, get student rush tickets instead of full price, and I actually save my Duane Reade coupons and use them. I know, huge, right?

The same goes for weddings. As people desire weddings that are more and more customizable to them, they also look for a way to do it  that will actually help their budget instead of hurt it.

For example, the NY Times featured an article this weekend explaining how signature cocktails- which are chosen specifically by the couple in keeping with their hobbies and personalities, are actually less expensive than having full open bars at their weddings (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/fashion/20shake.html).

Reading Ms. Jacinto’ s article about how to cut down wedding costs (http://www.minyanville.com/articles/minyanville-wedding-costs-/index/a/24489) reminded me of a conversation that I had with one of the models I worked with last week.

She told me she was engaged, but her parents weren’t contributing a dime to the wedding. But she’s not going to let that deter her from the wedding she wants. She and her husband have both been involved in promotional modeling for years, working for various different brands. Their plan is to get some of the brands they have worked for  to sponsor their wedding. “Who knows,” she said, “we could have a Powerade fountain.”  This may sound slightly ridiculous, but her creativity may enable her to get what she wants in a wedding without the budget for it.

So even if you do have the cash to spend, some careful thinking and creativity can save you a bundle which you can spend on your new life together, post wedding.

Of course, there are some things custom you just can’t get cheaply, like cake toppers (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/fashion/weddings/20FIELD.html).

However, even the trend here whispers of a future cake topper era in which ken and barbie will magically change colors and ethnicities to better suit the people getting married, and not for 600 dollars a pop.

Posted in economy, weddings | No Comments »